We Are Cliches
by Kinnikinnick
Summary: Two friends, dumped into the Saiyuki world. Typical, right? Not with these two... Temporarily rated T for language. Betaed, but please let me know if you find mistakes!
1. Chapter 1: Where Are We?

Author's Note: Hello everyone! This is my first Saiyuki fanfiction! I worked on it a long time before posting… the original document is about 97 pages long right now, and I haven't even thought of an ending yet… Coincidentally, if you see my old English teacher, don't tell her that. Anywhoot, to the point. Please, only constructive reviews. I do my best to ensure quality, but sometimes my beta is lazy.

Technicolor: Hey. I'm not…wait, yes I am.

Kinnikinnick: Yes, TC. Yes you are. Anyway, I can take flames (if I REALLY don't like them I send them to burn in cyber hell, a.k.a. the trash bin) but please keep them nice. I'll post as much as I have, but reviews will keep me going! Feel free to help inspire me!

Technicolor: Oh, by the way, we're far more psychotic in real life. We try and tone it down though for fanfiction. Unless we get requests to let our psychosis free.

Kinnikinnick: Ah-hem.

Technicolor: Oh, yeah. We don't own anything except for Miranda and Renate. We don't own Saiyuki or Caribou and we only temporarily own caramel coolers.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah. Until the cup is empty… looks sadly at empty cup

Technicolor: rolls eyes Anyway… and we only own the one ice scraper. And we don't meet the Saiyuki guys until Chapter Two. And in case you couldn't tell, I'm pretty sure the title should give you a pretty good idea of what you're looking at.

Kinnikinnick: So! On to the story!

* * *

Chapter 1: 

Miranda sprawled in the backseat of her friend's car, her caramel cooler clutched in one hand, her feet sticking out of the door. Renate sat in the driver's seat with the door propped open to the cool night air, swinging her feet, sipping her drink. The car itself was parked in front of the local Caribou Coffee.

"I'm so freaking bored," Miranda moaned, "Where is everyone lately?"

"Stop whining," growled Renate, "I've had about enough of that from my sister."

"But I'm booooooored!"

WHACK!

"Gah!" Miranda said as the ice scrapper slammed down next to her on the seat. She sat up and jumped out of the car.

"Shut up!" Renate bellowed.

Miranda stuck out her tongue and danced out of reach of the ice scrapper. Renate climbed out of the car and swung it menacingly in one hand. "Frick!" Miranda said, taking off around the side of the building. Despite being roughly twice Renate's size, she definitely had the advantage of speed.

"Come back here, you caffeine-addicted freak!" Renate bellowed, following her track athlete friend.

"No way, you tiny-handed freak!" Miranda shouted back. Suddenly she skidded to a halt behind the dumpster in the back of the building.

"What is it?" Renate asked, coming to a halt. She still had the ice scrapper raised up, ready for any trick that the other girl might pull.

"I thought I saw something… like a ripple in the air," Miranda asked, squinting at the front of the dumpster. She dropped to her knees and began to look closer.

"Like… like a dimensional rip?" Renate asked, excitement making her voice ratchet up a few notches.

"Yeah…" Miranda said slowly, the fangirl in her becoming enthused. She saw the ripple again. With a yell, Miranda shot out her hand, shoving it into the center of the ripple. There was a strange sucking sound, and Miranda's hand disappeared.

"Oh, that's so weird," Renate said, crouching back on her heels.

"Yeah. Okay, so… how do we proceed from here?" Miranda asked, keeping her hand where it was. She didn't want to lose it again.

"Should I get my car?" Renate asked. Miranda shook her head.

"I don't think we should risk it. We have no idea where this comes out. We could end up smashing up your car," she pointed out.

"True," Renate said, "Well then…"

The girls looked at each other. Miranda plunged her other hand in, just as Renate stuck out both of hers.

"Here goes nothing."

Both girls rocked backwards to build up momentum, and then catapulted themselves forward, through the strange ripple in the air.

For a moment, everything went black.

_I can't breathe,_ Renate thought, more pissed off than anything.

_Me neither_! came a reply. However, Renate had heard it more in her mind than through her ears.

_Can we thought-speak?_ Renate thought tentatively.

_I guess so… at least for now_, Miranda thought back at her.

Suddenly there was a blinding light, and both girls felt themselves drop. With a thud, they landed one on top of the other.

"Get off me!" Renate barked.

"Sorry."

As Miranda stood up, she looked at Renate and gasped. Renate craned her neck to look up at her friend at had the same reaction, gasping as she jumped to her feet.

"Oh, my God, look at you!" the two girls shouted at each other, disbelief clearly sketched on the each others' faces.

The first thing Miranda noticed was that, although Renate retained her curvy figure, she was much leaner. Renate's swinging bob of blond hair had developed indigo-colored streaks that glinted in the sun, and she was wearing very different clothes. Instead of her jeans, jacket and t-shirt, Renate was now wearing a baggy burnt-orange tunic with long sleeves that tapered to her wrists, and instead of her jeans, she wore a pair of fitted brown trousers tucked into the tops of knee-height black boots. She was also wearing a small brown backpack.

As Miranda was giving Renate a once-over, Renate was returning the favor. Miranda's long blonde hair had gotten even longer and was now braided neatly, laying flat against her spine. Miranda had lost most of her pudgy figure, and instead had more of an athletic form, the way Renate guessed Miranda would look back in their world if she dropped a ton of weight. Instead of her purple ¾ length scoop neck, she now wore a sleeveless red tunic, and in lieu of her black jeans, she was wearing a pair of brown capris that flared at her knee, and a pair of brown ankle boots. She too was wearing a small brown backpack.

"Holy hell," Miranda said, "We're skinny." She craned her head to look at her backside. "Dammit, I still have no butt!"

"I think your butt is the least of our worries," Renate pointed out, "I think our biggest worry is figuring out where the hell we are."

"Oh yeah," Miranda said thoughtfully, glancing around. They were surrounded by trees on all sides. It looked like they had landed in some sort of clearing in the middle of a forest.

"Okay. Well. I suppose our best bet would be to head that way, and hope to find a town," Renate said, pointing. The sun had just begun to descend, and they were headed for where it would set.

"Good idea. At least that way, we'll have some sort of marker to follow for awhile," Miranda commented.

"Well…" Renate said, feeling as if there should be more ceremony in this decision, "Let's go."

The two girls set off, guided by the setting sun.


	2. Chapter 2: Shut Up!

Author's Note: Welcome back! In this chapter we finally see the Saiyuki boys, and Miranda and Renate figure out what the hell is going on.

Technicolor: Well, not really.

Kinnikinnick: Okay, well, we sort of figure out what the hell is going on. Also, translations are provided at the bottom of the chapter for Japanese words that some of you might not know…

Technicolor: And in real life, the person Miranda's character is based on really DOES know all that crap about Sanskrit. Really, it's sort of scary…

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, you know the deal, we don't own anything, it all belongs to Kazuya Minekura, except for Miranda and Renate.

frantically waves two voodoo dolls

Kinnikinnick: Mine I say! They are mine!

Technicolor: Do you hear screaming somewhere?

Kinnikinnick: stops waving voodoo dolls Oops.

* * *

Chapter 2

"What's that?"

The girls had been walking for the better part of two hours, and the sun was beginning to descend quicker now. They had picked up the pace in the hopes of finding a town before dark. Miranda did not favor the idea of spending the night in an unfamiliar forest.

"What now?" Renate growled. Despite walking mostly in silence, she was beginning to tire of Miranda's questions. 'What's that? Where are we? Do you know where we're going? What do you think that animal is?' were all answered with an 'I don't know' in an increasingly irritated tone of voice. This time, however, Miranda seemed to be pointing to an object lodged in the hollow of a tree.

"I don't know. Go get it if you're so curious," Renate said, sitting down on a convenient boulder. While Miranda seemed to have had her normal energy multiplied by eight, Renate hadn't had that gift bestowed upon her. She watched the girl struggle to pull the object free.

"Damn. It's stuck good," Miranda said, pausing in her efforts to more carefully examine the object's prison. She took a couple steps back, then rushed forward, bringing up her back leg and delivering a swift kick to the tree, while pulling at the object with her opposite hand. Renate watched, half-amused, half-horrified, as the place that Miranda had kicked splintered, and the object came loose.

"Cool," Miranda said, clutching the object and looking at the damage she had caused.

"Never mind that, you freak, what did you find?" Renate asked, getting off her boulder. Miranda shrugged, and turned her attention to the object in her hands.

"Looks like a scroll," she said, untying the string that bound it. As it came undone, the document unrolled itself, and Miranda held it up so that both girls could read it.

"It's written in Sanskrit," Miranda said, thanking God for her fascination with obscure languages.

"Well, I think I know where we are now."

Miranda looked up at Renate, hope dawning on her face.

"Where?" she asked eagerly, starting to roll the scroll back up. Renate leaned against a tree and smirked. She was going to take her time with this. And hope that Miranda didn't explode with excitement.

"Well… what do we know about Sanskrit scrolls?"

"Well, Sanskrit is an archaic language that was formed in India, and the scrolls are usually religious writings for Buddhism, Hinduism, or two other ones that I've forgotten."

Renate stared at her friend. "Why do you know all that?"

"I'm a language freak, remember? Continue."

"Anyway… and we were mysteriously dropped here, correct?"

"Yes…," Miranda wondered where Renate was going with this.

"Well… what do we know about Sanskrit scrolls and people mysteriously getting dropped places?"

Miranda stared at her friend, the fangirl math slowly starting to work its way through her brain. "Oh my good God. We're in a Saiyuki fanfiction."

Renate nodded. "Exactly. We… are clichés."

"Okay, on the one hand, yes, we are clichés. But on the other… this is so friggin' cool!" Miranda said, her hands clenched in excitement.

"As long as we don't become Mary-Sues," Renate replied.

"I make no promises. Mary-Sues are the sacred right of every fangirl. Besides, in a place like Saiyuki-land, even guys who are originally part of the series become Mary-Sues," Miranda pointed out.

"Fair point. But try and avoid it for my sake. It'll be way pathetic if we get kidnapped or desperately injured every two chapters."

"I believe the average is every chapter and a half. Besides, how boring would it be if nothing happened? And again, I also point out that that stuff happens even to the main characters. Repeatedly."

"And I will point out that if you become a Mary-Sue on purpose, I will kill you."

Miranda gulped as she saw the deadly gleam in her friend's eyes, but she decided to press her luck. "What if it's an accident?"

"You damn well better have very few accidents," Renate said, kicking at Miranda.

"Gah! Okay, okay, jeez!" she yelped, dancing out of the way, "Besides, there's no guarantee on anything. Usually we'd have met up with them by now, and we still seem to be very lost and alone."

"Tch. Well, we have no choice but to keep heading the way we were going."

* * *

"Ne, Sanzo?"

Sanzo twitched. He couldn't take much more complaining, be it from the chimp or the kappa.

"Sanzo, when are we going to get some food?"

"And what about some booze? I want some liquor, dammit."

"Shut up," Sanzo said, cocking his gun. Blessed silence fell amongst the men riding in the back of the jeep.

"We should be coming upon a town fairly soon, if the map is correct," Hakkai said, adding the disclaimer about the map as he remembered all the times they expected to come across a town and found nothing.

"How soon is 'soon'?" Gojyo demanded, "I'm out of cigarettes. Ne, Sanzo, got a spare?"

"Not for you."

"Bastard monk! I know you've got at least half a pack left!"

"Yes, and none of it's for a gokiburi like you."

"Nani!?" Gojyo demanded, fuming. Sanzo turned and aimed his banishing gun at the kappa's forehead.

"You heard me. Now shut up."

"Maa, maa, so violent. Can't we drive in peace?" Hakkai said mildly.

"No," came the reply, in unison, from the backseat.

* * *

Ne - Hey/ Oi

Gokiburi - cockroach

Nani - What

Maa maa - Calm down/ Now, now

Kinnikinnick: Please, read and review, otherwise I have no idea if it's good or not! See the button? Click it!


	3. Chapter 3: Heeey I'm Pretty!

Kinnikinnick: Hello my beloved readers! Otay, so, the girls finally meet up with the guys in a very typical Saiyuki fashion…sort of. Urgh. It's hard to write when I'm supposed to be listening to my Intro to American Politics professor. SHH! I'm WRITING!

Technicolor: I'll take it from here. We don't own Saiyuki, which makes us sad. But we do own some beer, which makes us glad. Ooh, rhyme. Oh, and Miranda proves herself to be an absolute moron. Funny how these things carry over from real life into fiction.

Kinnikinnick: Thanks TC. Oh, and for those of you who care enough, 'Renate' is pronounced Reh-na-tah, not Reh-nate. I don't know why, but in real life she gets mad when people call her the latter. So…yeah. Again, translations are on the bottom.

* * *

Chapter 3 

Renate cast a worried glance up at the sky. It was growing dark, and streaks of twilight had started to show in the part of the sky that they had their backs to. Miranda was now walking hunched over, a hand clasped over her stomach, which was emitting a loud growling noise.

"Mou… Renate-chan. I'm so hungry," she moaned, sitting down on the ground.

"I am too, but it's not like we can stop and eat. We'll eat when we find a town or when it gets dark," Renate said. She too was beginning to feel some trepidation about being in the forest after dark. Even in the haze of twilight it was starting to get a creepy vibe. She didn't want to be anywhere near it when it was pitch black out.

Miranda sighed and stood up. She knew her friend was right. "I'd feel a little more comfortable if we had some weaponry. Most of the girls who get dropped into these fics have weaponry," she said loudly.

"Are you trying to aggravate the author? Besides, I'm sure some weapons for us will turn up soon. They always do."

"Well, if the author didn't want to be aggravated, why did she make us aware that we are in a fanfic?"

"Good point," Renate grudgingly admitted. She silently vowed to herself that she would strangle whoever was responsible for this fic. The two girls trudged on, both hyper-aware of the growing darkness.

A little over an hour later, just as Miranda was beginning to fight a rising feeling of panic that they were going to have to sleep in this seemingly endless forest, they began to see lights through the trees.

"Oh. Ah!" Miranda said, a grin blossoming on her face. She and Renate began to run towards to light. They burst free of the forest and found themselves on the edge of a fairly small town.

"We're out! We're out of that damn forest!" Miranda said, jumping up and down and hugging Renate.

"Let go of me," Renate said, firmly planting one hand in the middle of Miranda's face and pushing her back. Miranda released her friend and continued jumping up and down.

"Wait…" she said, pausing in her celebration, "We don't have any money."

"Check your backpack. If this author is any good at all, we'll have something."

Both girls swung off their backpacks and began to dig through them. At the very bottom of her bag, Renate found a wallet, with a shiny silver credit card nestled inside.

"Yes! Unlimited credit! Bless you, author!" Miranda said as she snatched the card from Renate.

"Give me that!" Renate said, snatching it back, "You still owe me your soul!"

"Dammit."

The two girls looked around, hoping to find a restaurant or bar of some sort. At the very end of the road, there was a lonely looking pub, with very grimy windows.

"Okay. Let's prioritize. If we don't 'accidentally' bump into the Saiyuki guys soon, the fangirls will eat us alive. So, fangirl logic says that as soon as the guys check into their hotel, they will stop at the pub. Hopefully, this is the only pub in town," Miranda rationalized.

"You just want to drink," Renate said, looking around and squinting in the deepening darkness. "Oh well, good enough logic for me." She was not enjoying being the puppet of some fanfiction author, although Miranda clearly was, despite the fact that she was obviously losing some of her usually-boundless energy. They trooped into the pub and sat down at the bar, where Miranda immediately started spinning on the stool.

"Stop that," Renate said, whacking her over the head.

"Itai!"

"Can I help you ladies?" the bartender asked, looking at them oddly.

"Yes, two beers and a platter of meat buns," Renate said, tossing the credit card on the polished wood.

"Right away."

Renate sighed and put her head down on the bar. She felt exhausted. It had been late at night when they had left their world, although it had been the middle of the day when they arrived here, and now it was nighttime again. Renate wondered if she had some sort of odd jet-lag from traveling to a different dimension. She turned her head over to glance at Miranda, who had taken advantage of her friend's inattentiveness and was again spinning on the stool. Renate didn't bother to say anything this time; she just lifted her foot up and delivered a swift kick to her friend's backside.

"Gah! Stop it!" Miranda clambered back onto the stool just as the bartender set out the drinks.

"Your meat buns should be ready in a minute," he said as he turned away again.

"Sweet," Miranda said, taking a sip of her beer, "Not bad."

"We should probably be keeping an eye out for our Saiyuki boys," Renate muttered after taking a long draught of beer.

"Oh please. Do you really think we have to? Have you ever seen an episode where they spent a _quiet_ evening in a pub?"

Renate could only roll her eyes. Her friend had a point. Those guys couldn't draw more attention to themselves if they burst into town insulting everyone's mothers with a bullhorn.

When the meat buns arrived, Miranda dove in with gusto, and Renate tried to eat without losing a hand. Three platters and four beers later, Miranda was sated and Renate had managed to snag a few crumbs. Now the two sat, nursing their beers and watching the door in the mirror that was mounted above the bar.

"Oi. Nate-chan. What do we do when they arrive? We can't just be like 'Hey, we're fangirls, and we're going to be tagging after you until the author gets tired of writing.'"

"This is a fanfic. I'm sure an opportunity will present itself."

Just then, the door to the pub opened, and in walked four very familiar figures.

"Here we go," Renate muttered.

The four men walked over and sat down at a table. A waitress hurried out from behind the bar.

"What can I get ch'ya?" she asked, her hips cocked coquettishly.

"Cue Gojyo," Miranda said softly, a half-grin on her face. Sure enough, the two girls could hear Gojyo making thinly veiled innuendos.

"And Sanzo," Renate said, shortly before the sound of a paper fan connecting with a skull rent the air.

Both girls shook their heads and grinned as the Sanzo-ikkou followed their normal, predictable method of dinning.

"They're almost done eating. We should get our opportunity any time now," Renate said, glancing up at the mirror again.

"Hey there, pretty lady."

Miranda felt a hand close around her wrist. It spun her around and jerked her off the stool.

"How 'bout you come home with me?"

Renate found herself also being grabbed, although her guy seemed slightly less drunk. Miranda just felt more confused than anything as she watched the drunken man swaying in front of her. And then it hit her.

"Hey, that's right, I'm pretty now!" she said excitedly, looking at Renate. Renate hit herself n the face with her free hand. _Ladies and gentlemen… my sidekick,_ she thought to herself.

"No thanks. Let go," Miranda said. She may have been excited about being attractive, but this guy was just gross.

"Aw, come on," he said, jerking on her arm. Miranda fell forward, and the guy clamped his other arm around her. The guy who had a hold on Renate laughed.

"What about you?" he breathed in Renate's ear. Renate drew back her fist and punched him.

"How's that for an answer?" she asked. The man slumped to the floor. Renate glanced up at her friend.

"I said no!" Miranda said, yanking herself mostly free, although the drunken man retained a grip on her wrist. She stepped back a little ways, then picked up her foot and kicked him under the chin. The man gasped and stumbled backwards, straight into the table at which the Sanzo-ikkou was seated.

"And there's our opportunity," Renate said, although she didn't get to see what happened next. The man on the floor seemed to have regained his senses and he dive tackled her. Renate rolled onto her back and kicked him over her head, sending the man flying across the bar. She kipped up to her feet in time to see the drunken man swaying back towards Miranda, who looked thoroughly irritated. The table at which the Sanzo-ikkou had been sitting was smashed, and all four men were on their feet.

"My food!" Goku wailed.

As the drunken man made another grab for Miranda, who ducked and darted to the left, Gojyo took three large steps, closing the gap between him and the drunk.

"That's no way to treat a lady," he said, grabbing the man by the collar. With a jerk of his wrist, Gojyo sent the man flying.

Renate slid up next to Miranda, who cast her a sideways glance.

"He couldn't come up with anything better than that?" Miranda asked.

"Eh, it's sort of a guy thing. They have to say stuff like that. They think it turns us on," Renate said dryly.

Hakkai caught the drunk man as he was about to hit the wall.

"Normally, I don't approve of violence. However, I will not allow you to treat women like that," he said mildly as he twisted the man's arm up behind his back. There was an audible crackle of breaking bones.

"See, now that's a turn on," Renate said to Miranda, who could only giggle. Both girls turned their heads as they heard the sound of punches landing. They saw Gojyo straddling the other drunk, his clenched fist held high above the now-unconscious man.

"That takes care of that," he said, standing up and turning to face the girls.

"Yes, it does," came a reply from the other side of the room. Hakkai released the man he had been gripping, and the man fell to the floor, also unconscious.

"So," drawled Gojyo, throwing his arms over both of the girls' shoulders, "What are two pretty ladies doing by yourselves in a pub like this?"

"I will not get used to being called that," Miranda said to Renate.

"We're travelers. We just got into town," Renate said, ignoring her friend.

"Really? Where are you staying?" Hakkai asked.

"Uh. We don't know," Miranda replied, looking at Renate. They really hadn't been thinking about their accommodations for the night.

"What are you going to do? Every place in town is booked," Goku said, coming over.

"What? This place is practically dead. How are all the rooms booked?" Renate demanded. Except for the two drunks and a handful of others, she hadn't seen anyone in the town. Goku shrugged.

"Mou… why don't you come to the place where we're staying and see if you can get a room?" Hakkai suggested. The girls looked at each other.

"Uh… sure."

* * *

Mou - roughly, it is the equivalent of 'aaah', a kind of despairing moan. 

Itai - That hurts/ Ow

Kip/ Kipped - The action of rolling onto your upper back, bringing your legs to your chest, and then kicking them up and out and using the momentum to get you back on your feet. Really cool when it's done in real life.

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, you know the drill. PLEASE! Read and review! Otherwise, I'm going on strike.

Audience: Silence

Kinnikinnick: FINE! I'm leaving. At least my caffeine loves me.


	4. Chapter 4: You're A Moron

Kinnikinnick: You're back! Yay! I give you a hug! Okay, in this chappie we find out that Miranda is probably destined to be a Mary-Sue, despite Renate's best efforts. Also, Gojyo gets beat on due to his usual lechery and Sanzo surprises everyone… so much for such a short chapter.

Technicolor: That's why I cut them into such short segements. There can be a lot.

Kinnikinnick: Oh. Otay. Anyway, the usual, we don't own Saiyuki, and we only own Red Bull in small quantities. And that's usually gone pretty quick.

* * *

Chapter 4

"What? Are you sure there are no rooms left?" Miranda asked desperately. She did not like the idea of having to sleep in the streets.

"I am sorry, miss, but we don't have a single vacancy left," the old innkeeper said. Miranda sighed and turned to the group who was waiting for her near the doorway.

"They don't have any vacancies. Renate, I don't want to sleep in that creepy forest or in the street!"

"You won't have to," Hakkai said reassuringly, "You can share our room if you'd like."

"Like hell they will."

The girls turned as Sanzo said something in their presence for the first time.

"Maa. Sanzo, we can't let them sleep out in the open. Especially after that little scene at the bar. It would be unsafe."

"Ch. Fine. But I'm not giving up my bed or sharing it," the monk said, a lit cigarette clamped between his teeth.

"That's fine. Miranda and I can sleep on the floor," Renate said. Miranda seemed to have become too flustered to say anything. Renate watched in amusement as a deep blush seemed to settle in Miranda's cheeks.

"That wouldn't be very chivalrous. Why don't Gojyo and I take the floor, and you two can have our beds?" Hakkai suggested.

"Or, one of us could share a bed," Gojyo said, leering at the girls. Two fists and a paper fan hit him in the head.

"Wait, let me add to that: No," Miranda said, glaring at the kappa.

* * *

As the six of them sat in the room, Miranda and Renate began to dig through their backpacks, while the guys played mahjong on the floor. Besides their earlier search for money, they really hadn't had a chance to inventory exactly what was in the bags.

"Ah… pajamas, a change of clothes, some traveling food, the credit card, toothbrush and toothpaste, a dagger, and a couple of bottles of water," Renate said, emptying the contents into her lap as she sifted through the bag. Miranda sat at the other end of the bed, waiting for Renate to finish.

"Okay… pajamas, clothes, food, toothbrush and toothpaste, some throwing knives, eight cans of Red Bull, some vitamins and bandages, and the Sutra. Why didn't we find the weapons earlier? No way are those our actual weapons. And why the hell do I have Red Bull?" Miranda asked, before realizing that the guys on the floor were staring at her.

"What?" she asked, before realizing that they were staring at the scroll that she was clutching in her hand.

"You're a moron," Renate said, holding her head in her hands.

"Yeah… have a Red Bull, feel better!" Miranda said, holding out a can with the other hand. Renate smacked it.

"Where did you get that Sutra?" Sanzo demanded. Miranda immediately turned a deep shade of pink.

"Tree," was all she managed to say, before giving an odd squeak and diving under the bed.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, get out of there," Renate said, yanking her friend out by the collar.

"Hey. I actually fit down here," Miranda said.

"Focus!"

"Sorry, he's just sort of scary when he's mad," Miranda said.

"I repeat," Sanzo said, "Where. Did. You get. That Sutra."

Renate found it amazing that Miranda didn't dive under the bed again, or turn an even brighter shade of pink. Instead she took a deep breath, and the pink actually receded a little bit.

"We found it while we were wandering through the forest. It was stuck in a tree hollow."

The four guys looked at each other.

"Let me see that," Sanzo said, holding out his hand.

"No."

Renate, Gojyo, Goku, Hakkai, and Sanzo all stared at Miranda, who clutched the Sutra protectively.

"Why not?" Gojyo demanded.

"Because I feel like going on an adventure. And if I give you the Sutra, you'll take it and there'll be no reason for you to let us tag along. So, no."

Renate was again amazed that Miranda could still speak coherently, what with the object of her lust glaring at her. She knew Miranda loved that stuff.

"Fine."

Now everyone stared at Sanzo, including Miranda, whose jaw had dropped and whose blush had almost completely disappeared. Sanzo nonchalantly lit a cigarette.

"What?" Miranda and Gojyo asked in unison, disbelief clearly etched on their faces.

"Let them tag along. After the first demon attack, they'll leave with their tails between their legs," Sanzo said, his cigarette clenched between his teeth.

"Sweet!" said Renate and Miranda, giving each other high-fives.

"Now go to sleep."

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Please! I am begging you! REVIEW! Ah, I have to learn patience. I've posted four chapters in the last half-hour, I have no idea why I'm already expecting reviews... 


	5. Chapter 5: I Might Get Shot

Kinnikinnick: Ohayoo, minna-san! That means 'good morning, everyone!' in case you didn't know, but I'm sure most of you did. Anywhoot, I combined what were supposed to be Chapters 5 & 6 because they were really short, so if my numbering goes screwy after this, that's why. I left in the original chapter markers so you can see where we've been splitting it up.

Technicolor: I'll take the summary this time. Miranda gets into a potential Mary-Sue situation due to her stupidity, but luckily for her, she gets herself out of it.

Kinnikinnick: I hope she doesn't read this. Otherwise, she'll be sooooo pissed that we made her such a moron.

Miranda: Ah-hem.

Kinnikinnick & Technicolor: Gah!

Miranda: They don't own anything, including Saiyuki and MY character traits. Thieves.

Kinnikinnick: Hey. Miranda is only BASED on you, she isn't you.

Technicolor: (sweatdrops) That makes no sense.

Kinnikinnick: For God's sake, I'm named after a river, I never make sense!

Technicolor & Miranda: Oooookay…

Kinnikinnick: Oh, and I believe the language gets a bit stronger in this chapter. Just a heads up.

* * *

Chapter 5

The next morning, Renate woke up to a bright ray of sunshine directly in her face. With a moan, she rolled over and pulled the covers up over her head. Then she froze.

Where the hell was she? The sheets and the bed were unfamiliar. She sat up with a gasp and looked around. As she looked at the figures sleeping on the floor, she suddenly remembered where she was.

_Oh yeah. Miranda and I are trapped in a fanfiction._

With that thought she looked towards the bed where her best friend had gone to sleep. It was empty.

"Fuck!" Renate shouted, jumping out of her bed. Her foot landed on something soft and squishy.

"Oof. Excuse me, Renate-san. Could you get your foot off of my face?" Hakkai asked mildly.

"Sorry, Hakkai. Do you know where Miranda went?"

Hakkai sat up, looking at the empty bed.

"Oh dear. Where do you think she might have gone?"

Renate grit her teeth and clenched her fists in frustration. "If I knew I wouldn't have asked you," she said. She wasn't really a morning person anyway, and this little conundrum definitely did not improve her mood.

"Well. I guess at this point, with no sign of foul play, we can only wait. It wouldn't make a lot of sense to go careening around after her," Hakkai said, standing up and beginning to fold the futon he had slept on.

"I don't know, I feel like careening," Renate said, grabbing her clothes and heading for the bathroom to change.

Hakkai watched her go and shook his head. Nothing good could come of this.

* * *

Miranda stood in the center of the market place, watching the townspeople buzzing around. She looked down at the list she had lifted from Hakkai's pants pocket. As she tried to decipher the smeared ink (Hakkai had obviously folded it up without letting it dry) she shifted the one bag of groceries she had already gotten.

"Have you heard about the latest attack?"

Miranda's head shot up. Two old women were walking past, their heads close together as they talked softly. Miranda decided to follow them.

"No! What happened now?"

"Another child wandered into the forest. They found him this morning. It was horrible. Those renegade demons are monsters."

Miranda stood, frozen, watching the old women's retreating back. Someone was killing children? The thought made her sick. With a dark look in her eyes, she swung around and stared at the dark forest that she and Renate had emerged from just the night before. She cursed loudly as she realized that they had probably missed the child by only a few minutes.

As she glared at the forest, movement caught her eye. She stared, not sure of what she was seeing. A second later, she had dropped the bag of groceries and was running full tilt into the forest.

* * *

Chapter 6

"Frick. She took the credit card," Renate said, holding her upended backpack in her fist.

"And my grocery list is gone," Hakkai said, checking his pants pockets.

"Well, at least we know why she's not here. Dammit though. She never wakes up before noon, and even then that's only if I harass her. What the hell?" Renate growled, plopping back down on her bed.

Hakkai shrugged. "We can always ask her when she gets back. In the meanwhile, I'll go see about breakfast. Why don't you wake the others?"

"Because I might get shot?" Renate replied, eyeing Sanzo warily, but Hakkai was already gone.

Miranda bent over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. Whatever it was that she had seen was unbelievably quick. She knew that she had become a lot faster since she had been here, but even with that boost in speed, she couldn't even begin to close the gap.

As soon as she had charged into the forest, the thing had taken off, barely even making noise. Miranda felt like a fumbling oaf, crashing through the underbrush as she chased after the noiseless thing.

Miranda straightened up as she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Something was watching her. She spun around quickly, bringing her fists up. With a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, she knew what was happening. Whatever she was chasing had circled back around her, blocking her exit. And it had friends.

"Come out, you fucking cowards!" she screamed, trying to keep the trembling out of her voice. She may have been scared, but she would not let these bastards get away with killing children. She knew that Renate would probably kick her for rushing into this headlong and alone to boot, but it was too late to go back and get help. Although she had no doubt that Renate would be just as, if not more, vengeful.

She was definitely kicking herself for her rashness now, however, as roughly fifteen demons dropped out of the surrounding trees.

"What a pretty little plaything," said one who appeared to be the leader. The others laughed appreciatively. Miranda noticed that they were all holding weapons of some sort.

"You're the ones killing children," Miranda spat.

"Good deduction, jou-chan. Too bad you won't be able to use that lovely head of yours for much longer," laughed one of them, a long sword resting on his shoulder. Miranda shrunk back a little. Her fists would only get her so far in this fight. But she had to try.

However as she brought her hands back up and began to form them into fists, a surprising weight seemed to form in them. She looked down and saw herself clutching twin kodachi.

"That's so cool," Miranda said, grinning to herself, her current situation forgotten for the moment.

"Hey! Where you looking!?" shrieked one of the demons, lunging at her. With a shout, Miranda swung her kodachi upward, blocking his strike. With the other kodachi, she spun around and sliced through the demon. She flinched at the spray of blood that hit her in the face.

"Man, that smells nasty," she said, before blocking another hit.

"You're going to die, little girl!"

"No way! Your ass is mine!"

* * *

Jou-chan – Missy

Kodachi – a sword that is shorter than a katana but longer than a wakazashi, usually used in pairs.

Kinnikinnick: Please read and review. I'm planning on adding another five chapters tomorrow if I get some good reviews! I'm holding out for five, so go poke your friends and make them review too.


	6. Chapter 6: You Went Looking For Trouble!

Kinnikinnick: Okay, I know what I said about holding off on posting until I got reviews, but I've been reading the story over and I have realized that despite being edited multiple times by both myself and TC, there are still mistakes. So I'm posting this one as an apology.

Technicolor: Yeah, that and you couldn't wait to post some more.

Kinnikinnick: Quiet you! Anyway, we don't own Saiyuki land or any of the things contained therein. We only own Miranda and Renate.

Miranda: Pardon me?

Kinnikinnick: Okay, okay, we don't OWN them, we're just borrowing the traits to make them from our friends. Are you happy now?

Miranda: Very. Continue.

Kinnikinnick: Also, we only temporarily own small quantities of Red Bull, and those are usually gone by the time I post.

Technicolor: Because you drink it all in an effort to pull all nighters.

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, I putting this up here in the hopes you'll take it seriously when I say this. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

* * *

Chapter 7

"It's taking her frickin' forever," Goku moaned, flopped over on his bed.

"Where the hell is she?" Renate demanded impotently.

"Maa, maa, I'm sure she's just… wandering. She'll be back soon," Hakkai said, but even he couldn't keep the worry out of his voice.

"I don't know man. She's been missing for four hours," Gojyo said.

Suddenly the door to the room opened.

"Sorry I took so long, minna-san!" Miranda said cheerfully. In her arms she clutched three brown grocery bags.

"For Christ's sake, were you trying to worry me into an early grave!?" Renate shouted.

"Sorry," Miranda said, setting down the bags on a small side table. As she turned back to the group, Renate and Hakkai gasped, while Sanzo, Goku and Gojyo stared.

"What?" Miranda asked, before she glanced down at her blood-stained shirt, "Oh. Yeah. I had a little trouble."

"You mean you went looking for trouble!" Renate growled, smacking Miranda in the back of the head.

"Mou, Renate-chan. I'm hurt that you would think that of me," Miranda said, looking for her spare shirt. Throwing modesty to the wind, she pulled her dirty shirt over her head and pulled on the clean one.

"Have some decency, you pervert!"

"Bah. Whatever. It's not like they saw anything besides my bra," Miranda said, cracking open a Red Bull.

"What happened?" asked Goku eagerly.

"I overheard two grannies talking about how some demons have been attacking and killing children," Miranda said shortly. She watched as the anger faded from Renate's eyes, then flared again.

"Why didn't you come back and get me, dummy?" she asked, smacking Miranda again.

"If I'd been thinking, I would have."

"But as usual, you weren't."

"Iie… Well, ya, I wasn't. Anyway, guess where they were?" Miranda asked, tossing the now empty Red Bull can in the trash. As she reached for another one, Renate smacked her hand away.

"No. I know what you get like if you have more than one. Were they in that creepy forest?" Renate said sharply.

Miranda nodded. "Aa. I chased one of them. He was damn fast too. And then they sort of turned the tables," Miranda said.

"Dumbass, what'd you do?"

"Nothing! I just stopped to catch my breath. And this demon and his buddies circled back and surrounded me."

"Did you pwn them?"

"Yes. And I got my weapon, by the way," Miranda said.

"Hell no! How'd you manage that?" Renate glowered, instantly jealous that her friend had received her weapons first.

"I… have no idea. But it was cool," Miranda said excitedly.

"Anyway, now that you're done with your little adventure, it's time to go," Sanzo growled.

* * *

Mou - groan/ similar to a noise you would make when either complaining to someone, like 'aah', or when your favorite sports team FAILS.

Iie - No

Aa - casual/informal way of saying 'yes'

Kinnikinnick: Here it is again, my pathetic pleadings for a review... please?


	7. Chapter 7: Shot Gun!

Kinnikinnick: Hewwow! Welcome back and thank you for stickin' around this long! This one is really short, because the next chapter is, I think, the longest one yet.

Technicolor: Yup. In this chapter Miranda kicks some ass, Renate kicks some ass, and, of course, Gojyo and Goku kick some ass. And Miranda manages to piss Renate off.

Kinnikinnick: Yup, the girl is talented.

Technicolor: Remember, we don't own Saiyuki! We do envy Kazuya Minekura though, wildly.

* * *

Chapter 8

"Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry," Goku sing-songed from the back seat of the jeep.

"Shut up!" Miranda said. For once it was she who was being grumpy. She had been picked to be wedged in the back between Goku and Gojyo, and it had so far proved to be a miserable experience. All the monkey talked about was how hungry he was, and all the cockroach would talk about was women and booze.

"It's a nice change to hear someone else yelling at them," Sanzo muttered from the front seat. Next to him, Renate grunted in agreement.

"Shoulda brought my damn car. This is frickin' uncomfortable," Renate said.

"You know it would have gotten all smashed up, and then you'd be in mourning for it and virtually useless," Miranda said as she punched Gojyo in the face, after he had elbowed her one too many times.

"Goddammit! This is worse than the friggin' monk shooting at me all the time," Gojyo screamed as he grabbed her wrists to keep her from beating the shit out of him.

"Maybe you should fucking behave!" Miranda shot back as she dislodged a leg and kicked him.

"Gah! You're bumping into me!" Goku shouted.

"Shut up!" Miranda said again, hitting both of the guys around the head. She dropped her head into her hands and fumed as silence reigned in the jeep. On either side of her, Gojyo and Goku pouted. All three were shaken out of their tempers when the jeep suddenly screeched to a stop.

"Nan de yo!?" Miranda shouted, then gasped.

"Sanzo-ikkou! We have come to kill you!"

"My God. There've got to be about five hundred of these suckers," Renate said.

"Well, now's as good a time as any to find out what your weapon is," Miranda said, following Gojyo and Goku out of the jeep. The demons stared at her.

"A girl!? Hah! Now the mighty Sanzo priest has women doing his dirty work?" said a demon, laughing.

"Hey buddy. Today is not the day to piss me off," Miranda said. As she spoke, her dual kodachi appeared in her hands.

"Cool. But it's my turn," Renate said. She held out her right hand. With a glow, a ji appeared.

"Okay, that's pretty frickin' cool," Miranda said. The girls exchanged grins.

"Hey, don't ignore us!"

The girls turned as the demons began to charge.

"I TOLD you. Don't piss me off!" Miranda shouted, swiping at them, killing three with one swing.

"Hah. I can do better," Renate said, and with one stroke, six demons lay severed and twitching.

"That doesn't mean much, you've just got a longer… urg…reach!" Miranda said, pulling one of her kodachi free of a demon's skull, while impaling another one.

"Oh don't whine," Renate replied, suddenly yelping, "Watch it!"

Gojyo's scythe had come dangerously close to her face as it whistled through the air.

"Sorry, jou-chan. Be sure to watch your back!"

"Wha—" Renate began, but was cut off as a gigantic blade whistled through the air next to her ear. As she dodged to the side, Miranda sliced through the demon.

"I got your back!" Miranda said, grinning and giving her a thumbs up.

"And I've got yours," Renate said, stabbing the demon who had crept up on Miranda.

"Shit," Miranda said looking around at the pile of corpses, "That didn't take very long."

"Don't complain, that means we can get going again," Renate said, her ji disappearing. Miranda's eyes lit up.

"Oh! Shotgun!"

"Dammit!" Renate shouted as Miranda beat her back to the jeep and slid in between Sanzo and Hakkai, who had been watching the four battle it out with the demon horde.

* * *

Nan de yo – What the hell

Jou-chan – Missy

Ji – a blade mounted on top of a staff, also called a 'Chinese Halberd'

Kodachi – a sword that is longer than a katana, but shorter than a wakizashi. Usually used in pairs.

Kinnikinnick: PLEASE! PLEASE! Review! I shall give you cyber cookies if you do!


	8. Chapter 8: MarySue House

Kinnikinnick: Hello my beloved readers! I have shed tears of gratitude! Thank you so much, SakuraEmma29! This one's for you!

Technicolor: Yes, we love you, and we are sending a bag of cyber-cookies! Yum, fake cookies…

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, you know the drill. We don't own Saiyuki and we only own Red Bull for as long as the can is full. And we don't own the song 'Fergalicious'.

Technicolor: Summary of this chapter: Revenge and randomness and Mary-Sue. Although, surprisingly, this Mary-Sue is neither Miranda or Renate. Bwahaha.

Kinnikinnick: Oh, and sorry guys! I hadn't realized I had disabled the anonymous review thingy. So, I fixed that... I'm sorry!!! Please review. (Thanks SakuraEmma29, your comment made me double-check the review thing)

* * *

Chapter 9 

Renate stared at her friend's bouncing blond head, considering what kind of revenge was most appropriate for her theft of the front seat. However, it appeared Gojyo and Goku had learned from the girls' shouting matches, and were keeping unusually quiet. Finally, she decided.

"Wake up," she said, punching Miranda in the head

"What the hell was that for!?" Miranda demanded, turning around so fast that her braid smacked Sanzo in the face. Sanzo grabbed it and yanked on it.

"Ow! What the hell!? Is it pick on Miranda day!?" Miranda shouted, yanking the end of her braid away from the monk.

"Shut up."

Miranda turned back around, fuming now. Goddammit, first the morons in the back, now this. What next?

"Maa, maa," Hakkai sighed, "It was so peaceful for a change."

No one made any reply. Miranda glared straight ahead, trying to think of some revenge to enact upon her friend.

"What's that?"

Miranda was shaken out of her plotting as Renate put a hand on her shoulder in an effort to steady herself as she stood up, trying to get a better look.

"What's what?" Miranda asked, looking ahead. She didn't really expect to see anything, Renate had always had better eyesight.

"That," Renate said, pointing. Miranda squinted, and a slender figure slid into view.

"Okay. Not good. My Mary-Sue senses are tingling," Miranda said. Renate nodded.

As the jeep grew closer, the riders could see that the figure was running toward them, waving its arms.

"Please! Please stop!"

The jeep came to a halt right next to the figure. They could see it was a young girl, dressed in elaborate traditional Chinese clothing. Her hair was pulled up in an elegant hairstyle, with not a hair out of place.

"This screams Mary-Sue," Renate muttered to Miranda.

"What's wrong, miss?" Hakkai asked.

"Please… my father. He's very sick. We live in an isolated manor back that way. Please, if you have any medicines…"

Hakkai nodded. "We do happen to have some things. We can see what we can do. Hop in."

Gojyo helped the girl into the already crowded jeep, and, as was typical, immediately started hitting on her.

"I'm Shua Ling," the girl said shyly.

"It's a pleasure. I'm Hakkai. This is Miranda, Sanzo, Goku and Renate," the driver said.

"And I'm Gojyo," the kappa said, leering at the girl.

"Stop preying on women, baka," Sanzo said.

Soon, a grand manor rose into view. As they pulled up to the front steps, the girl jumped out.

"Please, hurry," she said. Hakkai grabbed a bag out of the back, and everyone piled out.

"Nice house," Renate said.

"Mary-Sue house. Mary-Suuuuuue house," Miranda muttered to Renate. Renate shushed her when she noticed everyone looking at them strangely, and Miranda gave a dazzling smile. The six trooped inside, following the girl's trailing skirts.

Inside, the house seemed even more magnificent.

"If you would like, the five of you may wait here, while Hakkai-san and I go to my father," Shua Ling offered.

"Good," Miranda said, plopping down in the middle of the carpet. The other four sat down in scattered areas around the foyer as Hakkai followed Shua Ling.

"Damn, this doesn't feel right," Goku said.

"You're telling me," Renate muttered. The whole house had a very Mary-Sue vibe.

"Ne, Goku. Want a Red Bull?" Miranda asked, holding out the blue and silver can.

"Sure," Goku said, reaching for it.

"No!" Renate said, snatching it away, "No way, not now. We don't need a spastic saru!"

"Aww, come on," Miranda whined, "We can all have one. It's not like we don't need it. We're all tired."

"Fine. But only one," Renate said, cracking open the one she had taken. Miranda grinned and began passing the cans around.

"Damn, this stuff tastes nasty," Gojyo said, turning the can in his hand.

"Yeah, but it's really great for restoring energy," Renate said, finishing her can. And then she noticed the impending fiasco. Goku and Miranda were sitting in a pile of Red Bull cans, and both of them were currently sucking down another one.

"What are you doing!? Where the hell did all those cans come from!?" Renate shouted, jumping to her feet.

"Gah!"

Both Goku and Miranda took off, fleeing from Renate's wrath. They both appeared to only be blurs.

"Holy crap, the monkey's getting faster," Gojyo said.

"No, he's not, it's just the Red Bull. Dammit, we'll never catch them!"

All of a sudden, Miranda came arrowing back, stopping just short of Renate. "Let's sing a song!"

"No! Not now!"

"Yes! Now! Ooooh," Miranda inhaled deeply, darting out of the way of Renate's hands, "Fergalicious, definition, make these boys go loco!"

"You're making me go loco, and not in a good way! Don't sing that song!" Renate shouted, taking off after Miranda. Sanzo and Gojyo stared.

"Ne, Sanzo. I'm hungry!" said a passing blur, which Sanzo assumed was Goku. He made a grab for the monkey and got nothing but air.

"Baka saru!" Sanzo said, chasing after Goku, brandishing his paper fan. Gojyo laughed.

"You help!" Renate and Sanzo yelled. The gokiburi cringed.

"Aa, aa, fine, which one should I catch?"

"Either of them! If we can get one to stop, the other one might calm down too!" Renate said. Gojyo sighed. He'd spent too many times chasing after the monkey. He joined Renate as she chased after Miranda.

"Sanzo! I think it'll be easier to catch Miranda first! Help us with that!" Renate said. Sanzo growled as he turned away from chasing the monkey.

"Whee! I glomp!"

Sanzo froze as he felt two arms wrap around him and he was knocked off his feet. He heard what sounded like deranged laughter.

"You're so glompable!" Miranda squealed, releasing Sanzo and bouncing off. Sanzo could only stare after the hyper-active girl.

Pretty soon, Renate and Gojyo had sunk to their knees in exhaustion.

"We need a plan. And what the hell is taking Hakkai so long!?" Gojyo demanded.

"I don't know, but you're right," Renate said, panting.

"I have an idea. Come here," Sanzo said. As the three put their heads together, Miranda and Goku zoomed around them, oblivious to the plotting.

The three suddenly split up, forming a rough triangle shape. Sanzo pulled out his golden credit card and started turning it, making it flash in the light. There was a weird popping noise as Miranda suddenly screeched to a halt.

"Shiny!" she said, darting forward. Sanzo allowed her to take the card, but as she turned around to dash away, Gojyo and Renate swiftly moved in.

"Gah!" Miranda yelped, jumping backwards…straight into Sanzo.

"Gotcha!" said the monk, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Miranda stared to kick.

"No! You tricked me! Not fa--" Miranda's voice trailed off as she suddenly slumped.

"Nani?" asked Sanzo as he felt her turn into dead weight.

"That's the crash that comes after the sugar rush. It happens really fast, and usually renders her comatose for awhile," Renate said.

"She's not as heavy as she looks," Sanzo said, shifting Miranda to his other arm. He was afraid if he let go she might take off again, despite her supposed comatose state.

"Are you… saying I look fat?" Miranda asked faintly, obviously having not completely slipped into her caffeine-induced coma.

"Now we just gotta get the…monkey," Gojyo said. As he had begun to speak, Goku had darted between him and Renate, at first a blur, then just dropping to the floor, apparently going into the same sugar-induced coma Miranda had fallen victim to.

"Well. That was easy," Gojyo said, "What do we do with them now?"

"I dunno. Miranda should be coming around soon, she's developed a faster recovery speed every time she comes down from a sugar rush. As for Goku, we can set him against the wall," Renate said. As she spoke, her friend began to stir.

"What… did I do?" she asked sleepily.

"Drank about eighty cans of Red Bull, started running around like a maniac, sang 'Fergalicious' and glomped Sanzo. Then we caught you and you conked out," Renate summarized.

"Oh. That would explain the headache," Miranda said.

"As long as you're awake," Sanzo said, dropping Miranda.

"Itai!"

* * *

Maa maa - Now now/ Calm down 

Baka - Idiot/Stupid

Ne - Oi/ Hey

Saru - Monkey

Nani - What

Gokiburi - Cockroach

Aa - Yes/Yeah

Itai - Ow/That hurts

Kinnikinnick: Okay guys. You know the drill. Just click that little button down there that says 'Submit a Review'. You know you wanna. I've been good, I've updated. C'mon. Encourage me. Or flame me, whatever. As long as I get more reviews.


	9. Chapter 9: Excellent! Food!

Kinnikinnick: Hello everyone! Welcome back! I give you all huggles for continuing on! (A huggle is a cross between a hug and a cuddle). Otay, in this chapter, the Mary-Sue is starting to piss people off, and Miranda and Renate decide to check things out with this byotch.

Technicolor: Yup. As usual, we don't own anything except Miranda and Renate. Oh, and stick around, because the beginning of the next chapter is hilarious.

Kinnikinnick: All my chapters are hilarious!

Technicolor: Right…

* * *

Chapter 10

At that moment, Shua Ling and Hakkai came back.

"I'm sorry for the wait everyone. Hakkai-san was kind enough to give my father some medicine and try to bring his fever down," Shua Ling said, giving everyone a little bow.

"Good job, Hakkai," Renate said. Hakkai made no response.

"You are all welcome to stay the night, and you are more than welcome to join me for dinner," Shua Ling said.

"Excellent!" Miranda said.

"I will show you to your rooms. Please wash up and change for dinner and I will send a servant to fetch you when it is time to eat," Shua Ling said, gesturing for them to follow. Gojyo bent down and threw the still unconscious Goku over his shoulder.

"Wait, change for dinner?" Renate asked.

"Yes. Travel clothes are most inappropriate for dinner."

Renate stared at Hakkai. His speaking had seemed mechanical, and as she studied his face, his eyes seemed blank. No one else seemed to notice.

They followed Shua Ling up a sweeping set of stairs to a hallway consisting mostly of doors.

"You have the entire wing to yourselves, and you may choose the room you like. You will find appropriate garments in the wardrobes of the rooms," Shua Ling said. She bowed once more and left.

"This kid is heavy," Gojyo said, opening the first door and throwing Goku on the bed. He curled up and gave a light snore.

Miranda sat in her chosen room, staring at the wardrobe, silently thanking God that she had taken Asian studies. As she pulled out an ice-blue silk tunic, she laughed at the thought of Renate trying to figure out how to wear a traditional Chinese outfit. She managed to find a midnight blue skirt and also a sky-blue waist skirt, all of which she tied with a sash in such a dark blue hue that it almost looked black. As she finished tying the knot, she heard her door open.

"Miranda? Oh. You managed to get dressed. Can you help me?" Renate asked. Miranda followed Renate to her room.

"It's easy. Here," she said, handing Renate a yellow tunic, an autumn orange skirt and a fierce red waist skirt.

"How do I keep it all on?" Renate asked as she tried to hold up the skirts.

"With this," Miranda said, handing her a burnt orange sash.

"Thanks," Renate replied, tying her sash as best she could.

At that moment, the girls heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Renate called. A small girl poked her head in the door.

"Pardon me, mistresses, but dinner is ready. Please follow me to the dining hall," the girl said timidly.

"Excellent! Food!" Miranda said, charging out the door. Renate grabbed her by the collar.

"Calm down! We don't rush around in nice clothes. Act normal, for a change!"

"But… it's so hard."

The girls followed the servant to the dining hall, making a rather dramatic entrance as Miranda flung open the huge doors.

The girls were both secretly pleased as they noticed the guy's reactions. All four of them were staring, even Sanzo, and Gojyo had his mouth open, displaying his half-chewed food.

"You guys look like girls!" Goku said, pointing at them, finally breaking the silence that had descended.

"I see Goku is awake," Renate said dryly as she went to take an empty chair next to Hakkai. Shua Ling had seated herself directly in the middle of the four men. Miranda went to sit down next to her, only to find that the only other empty chair was next to Sanzo.

"Damn Mary-Sue knows exactly what buttons to push," Miranda muttered as she passed Renate.

The group ate mostly in silence, punctuated only by 'Pass the meat buns!' and 'Hey, more beer please!' When the table was empty of food, Shua Ling stood up and clapped her hands. Servants appeared and began clearing the tables.

"I believe I will retire. You all must be very tired after your journey, so it would probably be best if you got some rest also."

* * *

The six trooped back upstairs and into their respective rooms. Renate had just finished changing when Miranda burst into her room and flopped down upon the bed.

"Maa. That Shua Ling is super Mary-Sue. I keep waiting for her to do something. So far though, nothing."

"I don't think that's entirely true. Hakkai was acting… strange," Renate muttered as she folded up the skirt she had borrowed and put it back in its drawer.

"Wait. When isn't Hakkai strange?" Miranda asked. Renate smacked her.

"I meant stranger. His eyes looked really blank," Renate said.

"Oh. Do you think she did something to him when he was back 'treating her father'?" Miranda asked, sitting up.

"I don't know. But it's worth checking out. I'm willing to bet that whatever she did, she did in that room she took him to."

"Um, well, considering that that was the only time he was out of our sight… yeah."

"Shuddap."

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Do you hear it? I can! It's the little button at the bottom. It's saying 'Press me. I'm so lonely. Press me.'

Technicolor: For God's sake, how long are you going to grovel for reviews?

Kinnikinnick: For as long as it takes! Review, my fair readers! Review!


	10. Chapter 10: Spiders of The Sea!

Kinnikinnick: Ohayoo, minna-chan! Jeez, I'm holding you guys responsible if I fail my class. And my university, for issuing us laptops in the first place. Ah, just kidding (not really). Whoot! Chapter Ten! Look how good I am! Ten chapters in three days.

Technicolor: Yes, yes, we all know how good you are. In this chapter, Miranda proves herself to be an utter idiot. In several ways.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah… we can't let her near this story anymore. She's reaching a dangerous level of stupid. Sorry, Mira-chan, we still love you!

Miranda: I'm sure.

Kinnikinnick & Technicolor: . . .

Technicolor: How'd she get in here?

Kinnikinnick: I left my back door unlocked…

Miranda: Oh. I didn't know that. I came in through the bathroom window.

Technicolor: Good lord, no more Beatles for you. So, we don't own the Beatles, 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' or Saiyuki. We're sad because we don't own any of these. Oh, and Apple sucks for winning that lawsuit with the Beatles.

* * *

Chapter 11

The two girls waited in Renate's room until they were reasonably sure that everyone else was asleep. Cracking the door open an inch, Renate saw that the hallway was pitch black. Motioning to Miranda, she slid out into the hallway. Miranda shut the door silently behind her, and the two crouched in the darkness, waiting for their eyes to adjust.

"Stick to the shadows. And for God's sake be quiet," Renate hissed.

"I'm always quiet. Like a ninja," Miranda replied, trying to execute a ninja kick, and ending up only knocking her head on the door knob.

"Ow!" she cried, holding her head.

"Oh, yeah. Just like a ninja," Renate said through gritted teeth.

As the two girls descended the stairs, they saw a dark, slender figure come towards the hall that was their goal. They both pressed themselves back into the shadows and waited for it to pass.

"Was that Shua Ling?" Miranda asked, barely daring a whisper.

"I think so. She's heading for that room," Renate breathed. They waited what they thought to be a prudent amount of time, then continued.

They paused outside the door to the room, an ominous feeling growing between them. An evil-looking glow coming from beneath the door only enforced the ambience. Renate looked at Miranda, who nodded, and then opened the door a crack. Both girls peered inside.

Shua Ling sat in the middle of the room, a bright green orb in her hands. She seemed unaware that she was being watched.

"Oh, my beautiful soul. It's so lucky that I ran across you," she said softly, running a finger across its surface. The orb seemed to try and shift away from her.

"That must be Hakkai's soul," Miranda mouthed at Renate, who nodded and put her finger over her lips. She didn't want to risk any noise.

"Don't be afraid. Soon your friends will join you, and I'll kill those two useless girls."

"No way in hell!"

"Moron!" Renate moaned as Shua Ling whipped her head around, a dangerous look in her eyes. Miranda stood framed in the doorway, a sick feeling in her gut. _I've got to learn to control these things_, she thought.

"Hmm. It looks like I'll have to get rid of you two sooner than I thought," Shua Ling said, standing up. The orb zoomed away to drift in a far corner of the room.

"Try it, you goddamn Mary-Sue!" Renate said, summoning her ji. Miranda did likewise.

Shua Ling began to laugh, a sick, twisted sound, something akin to that of a car crash. As she laughed, her skin began to shift, as if thousands of insects were scuttling around under her skin.

"I will destroy you two," she said, and her voice had become deeper. As she spoke, her body began to expand, becoming crab-like, and nearly the size of the room.

"Oh gross. Those things are the spiders of the sea!" Miranda said, feeling sick.

"Now is not the time for your arachnophobia to kick in," Renate said. A snapping claw shot out, and the girls dodged to opposite sides.

"Okay. Here's the plan," Miranda said, dodging a leg whose point was as sharp as a knife.

"Oh, you've got a plan. And here I thought you were just a moron!" Renate said, hacking at the crab's limbs.

"Now is not the time! Grab Hakkai's soul and I'll distract it!" Miranda said, rushing at the crab. She leapt up over the stabbing, searching limbs and brought her kodachi down on the crab's shell. She almost dropped her weapons from the force of the reverb, and she was terrified when she realized she hadn't even scratched it.

"Dammit!" she said, turning around.

"Oh yes, you distract it. That seems to be working!" Renate shouted as she climbed over dismembered limbs. They seemed to grow back as fast as they could chop them off. The crab lumbered around to turn and face her. Miranda rushed forward again, this time slicing at the eyes. As she slit into them, stinking black ooze covered her.

"Oh, that's fucking disgusting!" Miranda screamed.

"I got it!" Renate said, holding the orb up. It seemed to settle into her hand.

"Good! Go put it back in Hakkai and wake the others! This thing is nearly invulnerable," Miranda said. Renate ran for the door, hacking at limbs as she went.

Suddenly, just before she reached the door, a claw snapped out at her, catching her in the side.

"Renate!" Miranda shouted as she saw her friend's eyes widen, and blood gushed from the wound. Without thinking, Miranda charged forward again, sliding under the crab. With a cry, she thrust her kodachi upward into the crab's soft underbelly. She was drenched in more of the foul-smelling liquid.

"I'm fine," Renate said, turning, oblivious to her friend's stupid stunt. As she watched, the crab's legs buckled, and it crashed down upon Miranda, who was still underneath.

"I did not think this through!" Miranda managed, before the world became a dark, smelly place.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Oh dear. Poor Miranda... Is she dead? Is she alive? Is she covered in an incredibly stinky substance? Okay, well the answer to that last one is 'Yes'. HOWEVER! If you wish to know the answers to the first two, you must review. Little purple button. Right there. Actually, it's more of a periwinkle, now that I think of it... 


	11. Chapter 11: Eight Hour Shower And Beer!

Kinnikinnick: What's this? Another chapter!? Yes, I'm weak, I'm posting another chapter. I combined what are marked as 'Chapter 12' and 'Chapter 13' because they're really short. Again, I keep the chapter markers so you guys can see where we've been splitting it up.

Technicolor: Ah, purity. A rare thing in writing.

Kinnikinnick: How would you know? You doodle for a living.

Technicolor: Leave my doodles alone! And they're not doodles, they're ART!

Kinnikinnick: Sure, sure. Anyway, in this chapter, we find out what happens to Miranda. Will Renate have to travel on alone? Read on, fair scholar, read on!

Technicolor: You're in history class right now, aren't you?

Kinnikinnick: Can you tell? Apparently we really hated the Russians in the 80's. I don't understand. Russians are cool. And fun to go paintballing with.

Technicolor: I remember that. Dasha snippered you, remember?

Kinnikinnick: I only had an inch of my forehead above the log! I'm still boggled as to how he did it from WAY across the field!

Technicolor: Well, remember guys, we don't own Saiyuki. We don't own much, come to think of it…

Kinnikinnick: Actually, after class I shall own beer!

Technicolor: It's so sad that you're so proud of that…

* * *

Chapter 12

"Dumbass!" Renate cried, running forward. She tried to push the crab up with one hand, while still clutching at the orb. The crab was too heavy. Renate looked at the orb.

"Time to get the guys," she muttered, running from the room.

She burst into Hakkai's room first.

"Wake up," she said, kicking him awake.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asked coldly, glaring up at her.

"Snack time," Renate said, pushing the orb into his mouth. It was the only way she could think of to get it back inside him. Hakkai's eyes widened and he seemed to choke for a minute. Then, the cold look faded from his eyes.

"Renate? What happened?" he demanded, sitting up and examining the blood-drenched girl.

"Shua Ling. She's a crazy crab thing. Or was. Miranda killed her… it. But then she was crushed by the body of the crab thing, and I can't lift it by myself. She did not think it through," Renate said in a rush.

"Okay, you sit down. You look like you've got a pretty bad cut. I'll bandage it when we get back. I'll go and wake the others," Hakkai said, leaving the room. Renate leaned against the headboard, holding on just long enough to hear him rouse the rest of the group. Then, she let the wooziness of blood-loss carry her off, with a last thought of _I've got to remember to hit Miranda for this.

* * *

_

Chapter 13

The others rushed downstairs and into Shua Ling's room. Sure enough, there was a gigantic crab carcass, accompanied by a horrendous stink.

"How did they do all this without waking us up?" Hakkai wondered as he looked at all the severed limbs and gushes of black crab blood.

"Oh, please, you practically had to dynamite Goku out of bed," Gojyo said.

"Anyway," Hakkai said, cutting off the argument before it could begin, "We have to hurry. Renate said that Miranda is under the crab. I'm not sure how much longer she can be under there before the weight crushes her."

"Guess it's up to us," Goku said, looking at Gojyo.

"Yeah, unless someone just wants to vaporize it," Gojyo said, looking hopefully at Hakkai.

"Gomen, but I might hurt Miranda if I do that," Hakkai said apologetically. Gojyo sighed and stepped up to the crab thing, Goku next to him. With a mighty grunt, the two pulled up on one of the edges of the crab's shell. Hakkai and Sanzo stepped forward, looking in the shadow of the crab.

"Hakkai, look, there are her fingertips," Sanzo said, pointing.

"Can you lift it more?" Hakkai called to the others.

"Sure… no… problem," Gojyo panted out. With another grunt, the two pushed the dead weight of the carcass further up. Sanzo and Hakkai each grabbed a hand, the only part visible. They pulled as hard as they could, and with a sickening squelching noise, Miranda slid out. She gasped for air as soon as she was free.

"OhmyfuckingGOD, that thing stinks," she said, coughing and choking.

"You're all right!" Goku said joyfully as he let the crab drop, making the whole floor shake with the force of the impact.

"In a manner of speaking, yes," Miranda said, trying to stand. Her legs felt numb from the pressure of the crab's body. Sanzo reached out and steadied her.

"Thanks. Now, I'm going to go take an eight hour shower. And then we can leave. If anyone interrupts me, I'll kill them," Miranda said, exiting from the room, leaving the four guys to stare after her.

"Those two… are so strange," Gojyo said, scratching the back of his head.

* * *

Gomen – Sorry

Kinnikinnick: Please, read and review! Because I lurve you all!

Technicolor: You are so sad…

Kinnikinnick: Well… I won't be after beer!

Technicolor: Actually, alcohol is a depressant. And it's not even past one o'clock.

Kinnikinnick: Quiet you! I've got class until two, and I plan to clean my room before beer time. It's gotten soooo messy. Good thing they have room checks, or it would never get clean.

Technicolor: Why don't you move off campus again?

Kinnikinnick: Please, I can barely keep that room clean, imagine a whole apartment. Although I'll have to get one once I'm done getting my law degree…

Technicolor: Scary thought. Both the apartment and the thought of YOU being a lawyer.

Kinnikinnick: Shuddap.


	12. Chapter 12: Who's the Mary Sue Now?

Kinnikinnick: Hey everyone! If you haven't figured it out yet, I post so many chapters because I get bored in class… le sigh… although, amazingly enough, I'm passing all of my classes, despite and Facebook.

Technicolor: That's because you have the weird ability to hear things when you're not listening and remember it later. It's freakish.

Kinnikinnick: I'd cackle evilly if I didn't have a cold. Yeeeees. Anywhoot, in this chapter it's Renate's turn to get in trouble, although she does so with grace. And this is another combined-chapter chapter.

Technicolor: And Goku and Miranda get themselves in trouble with Sanzo. Remember kids, don't try any of this at home, and we don't own anything, including Saiyuki. Which is probably why Kinnikinnick is going to drink tonight.

Kinnikinnick: No, it's because I don't have class tomorrow. Okay, and maybe to forget that I am not Kazuya Minekura. Kazuya-sensai, why!? Why can I not be you!?

Technicolor: Ignore the alcoholic.

Kinnikinnick: No, despite what you readers probably think, I'm not. I'm just happy that I don't have class tomorrow. Don't think less of me! I beg of you! Besides, isn't that's what college students are supposed to do?

Technicolor: How would you know? You spent your entire undergraduate freshman year locked in your room!

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, but I watch TV! And I see people's drunken pictures on Facebook… When are they going to realize that Campus Security had access to those? I mean, they post a sign saying that they check! Remember kids, if you do drink, don't be stupid enough to take pictures of it and post them on Facebook. People can see those, including Campus Security AND potential future employers.

Technicolor: The more you know.

* * *

Chapter 14

Miranda skipped up the stairs, pausing at the door to Hakkai's room. She pushed open the door, and was glad to see that she was right in thinking that Renate would be in there. Renate had just regained consciousness.

"Hey. Good to see you're okay," Renate said weakly.

"Yeah. By the way… Who's the Mary-Sue now, byotch!?" Miranda shouted, pointing accusingly at Renate, who whipped a porcelain bowl at her.

"Who had to be rescued from under the giant crab!?" Renate shouted back. Miranda stuck out her tongue and bounced back out into the hallway, heading once again for her room.

Once in the shower, Miranda didn't bother to undress. Cranking the handle to get the shower as hot as she possibly could, she just stepped under the spray, and watched as ribbons of the black ooze ran down into the drain. As soon as her now-sodden clothes were fairly ooze-free, she stripped them off and began to scrub vigorously; trying to get rid of the slimy feeling the stuff had left on her skin.

After she washed her hair for the third time, she checked every part she could see to make sure she had gotten the stuff all off. Even though it was all gone, she could still feel it. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her hair and went into her bedroom to find her spare set of clothes, which, luckily, Hakkai had laundered before they had left the last hotel.

Finally, she crawled into bed, her wet hair tamed and re-braided. She figured she could get a couple hours of sleep before Sanzo insisted on heading out. She smiled as she began to drift off.

_This is way more fun than I thought it would be…

* * *

_

Chapter 15

"Finally! Some place to sleep that's inside!" Miranda cried, throwing herself down on the hotel bed. She and Renate had managed to find a separate room from the guys, the first time in weeks that there had been enough vacancies to do so, at least for the times when they could even find a hotel.

"Get up," Renate said, "The guys are leaving for dinner soon."

"Noooooo," Miranda moaned, reluctantly dragging herself off the bed. As soon as she was up though, Renate flopped down on hers.

"Run along. I'm going to take a nap. And bring me back something to eat."

Miranda muttered about how it was unfair, but left the room anyway. She was actually sort of worried about Renate, who had looked unwell the last few days. She was glad her friend was going to be able to get some good sleep.

* * *

She met up with the others in the hotel lobby, where Hakkai immediately asked why Renate wasn't there.

"She's sleeping, and she sort of looked like she needed it. She told me to bring something back for her," Miranda reported. Hakkai nodded, and the five disembarked on their culinary adventure for the night. As soon as they stepped out into the growing twilight, Miranda and Goku had identical reactions.

"Food!" they cried, darting forward, only to be jerked back as Sanzo grabbed their collars.

"Calm down! Baka saru! Baka onna!" he said. Miranda and Goku shifted so they could face each other.

"Ya know, he can't hold both of us at once. And as long as he's got one of us in each hand, he can't use his gun or his fan," Miranda said in a carrying whisper.

"So, what do we do?" Goku whispered back.

"I can hear you," Sanzo said irritably. However, by speaking he missed the key parts of Miranda's plan.

"Now!" she shouted. She and Goku began to run in opposite directions. To Sanzo's credit, he held onto them for longer than they thought. Then, he released Miranda and grabbed Goku. As he went for his paper fan, he felt a pair of arms encircle him.

"Run, Goku!" Miranda said, holding on to Sanzo. As he glared at her, however, Miranda let out a small squeak and turned pink. She released the fuming monk and ran for her life, right on Goku's heels.

"Baka!" Sanzo shouted, about to chase after them.

"Maa, Sanzo. It's been awhile since Goku has had someone close to his own age to do stuff with. Why don't you let them alone for tonight?" Hakkai suggested, a maternal look in his eyes as he looked at the two teens, who were now shouting for the others to come and join them in a restaurant they had picked out.

* * *

Renate sat up and stretched. It had been a good nap. She looked around in the gloom of the room. The others wouldn't be back for awhile yet. Renate decided to make a cup of tea and steal the comics from Sanzo's paper.

As she sat with a steaming mug and the funnies, she cracked the window half an inch to let in a cool night breeze. Sighing in contentment, she leaned back in the rickety wooden chair.

She spent a total of three seconds relaxing before she realized someone was watching her. She slowly turned her head, searching for the spy. A split second before the demon burst in through the window, Renate pushed her chair back and dove under the bed, scrambling to grab Miranda's backpack.

"Give me the sutra, little girl, and I just might let you live," the demon bellowed.

Renate made no reply as she shifted to pull the backpack on.

"Come out little girl," the demon said. Again, Renate said nothing. Suddenly, the bed was wrenched sideways. Renate took advantage of the situation and summoned her ji. She came up like a jack-in-the-box and swiped at the demon. The demon bellowed in rage as blood blossomed on its front. Renate made a dash for the only exit from the room and with a shout jumped out the window, into the night sky.

* * *

Baka – Idiot/Stupid

Saru – Monkey

Onna – Woman

Kinnikinnick: Watch Scrubs! 7/6c on Comedy Central! It's funny!

Technicolor: Ooh. Good job throwing them for a loop.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, I was hoping that would encourage them to listen to this next sentence: READ AND REVIEW

Technicolor: Oh, before we go, did you notice you made a rhyme?

Kinnikinnick: Yup. Cyber-cookies to the readers who find it and tell me what it is in a review!!!


	13. Chapter 13: Where Are You?

Kinnikinnick: Okay, sorry guys, but no enthusiastic greeting this update… I'm so tired. I WAS taking a nap, and then one of my friends woke me up to go to dinner, insisting I needed to eat. No! I must sleep!

Technicolor: Just because you hate cafeteria food doesn't mean you should stop eating. That's not good.

Kinnikinnick: Pshaw. I eat. Just not in that cafeteria of DOOM. And now I feel even more tired. I have plans for tonight too… urgh.

Technicolor: Yeah, don't you need to pick up your friend from class in half an hour?

Kinnikinnick: Hush you! Anyway, in this chapter, Sanzo pwns a demon, and we discover that no, demons never just plain talk.

Technicolor: And we still lack the owning of Saiyuki… so sad.

Kinnikinnick: Must you remind me every chapter!?

* * *

Chapter 16

"Urgh, I'm stuffed," Miranda sighed, stretching contentedly as she and the guys walked back to the hotel room.

"You should be, you ate almost as much as Goku," Gojyo said.

"I know, I'm in disgrace. I just couldn't keep up," Miranda laughed, as Hakkai, Gojyo and Sanzo all sweat dropped.

"You'll get better with practice," Goku said encouragingly.

"We do not need two eating machines!" Sanzo said, hitting Goku over the head with his fan.

"Itai! Sanzo!"

The fight was broken up as all five heard a shout from above. Hakkai held out his arms just in time to catch Renate.

"Oh. Hey, thanks Hakkai!" Renate said, climbing out of his arms.

"Why do you have your ji? And why are you jumping out of windows?" Miranda asked slowly. She looked up a second time to see a large demon jump out of the window Renate had just cleared and land in front of the group.

"Oh. That's why."

"Ah. The Sanzo-ikkou. I can get a huge reward if I bring in two scriptures!" boomed the demon.

"Jeez! Don't you ever speak in a normal voice?" Miranda said, holding her hands over her ears.

"No, he doesn't, and I'm nearly deaf from it," Renate said.

"Well, one guy should be easy," Gojyo said, summoning his scythe.

The demon laughed.

"We'll see about that."

He began to glow, and as the group watched, the demon began to divide.

"He can clone himself?" Goku asked, summoning his nyoi-bo.

"That's both weird and cool," Miranda said. In a minute, the group was surrounded by demons.

"This should be fun!" Goku exclaimed, jumping into action. However, as Miranda began to fight, she noticed a weight in her pocket. And then her pocket began to play a familiar tune.

"My cell phone?" she said, pulling it out and reading the caller ID.

"Moshi moshi!" she said as she answered, going to stand behind Hakkai.

"Miranda!? Where are you!?" A frightened voice squeaked from the receiver.

"Matt? What's going on?" she asked, plugging one ear so she could hear better.

"Not the time, Miranda!" Renate said as she went by.

"Your mom is at my house demanding to know where you guys are! You've been missing since last night! I think she's gonna eat me!" Matt said in a panicked voice.

"Last night? Wow. Time is going slowly back home. We've been here for weeks and weeks," Miranda said, jumping out of range of one of the demon's swords.

"Where is 'here'?" Matt demanded.

"Um. Well. Renate and I are trapped in a fanfiction. Can I call you back later?" Miranda asked, leaning back to avoid Gojyo's scythe.

"Jou-chan! What are you doing?" he cried as he went in for the kill. Miranda ignored him.

"What's that noise?" Matt asked.

"We're sort of in the middle of an epic battle with a demon that can clone himself. I promise I'll call you when I have a minute," she said, hanging up.

Somewhere back on earth, Matt stared at his handset.

"Oddly enough, I believe that," he muttered before hanging up and going to hid under his bedcovers for as long as it took for Miranda's mom to go away.

* * *

. 

"Who was that?" Renate asked as Miranda returned her attention to the battle.

"Matt. Apparently my mom is on the rampage. The good news is that back home, we've only been missing for one night," Miranda replied, jamming one of her kodachi into a demon's eye socket.

"Oh. Did he think she was gonna eat him?" Renate asked, swiping at a group of demons.

"Yup," Miranda said, jumping back from a demon who fell forward, his head mostly off.

"How are we gonna kill this guy? He just keeps making more clones!" Gojyo shouted over the din of the battle.

"Go for the original!" Renate said, before realizing what she had said. They were surrounded by what had to be hundreds of clones. It was going to be very difficult to find the original.

"No problem," Sanzo muttered. He turned on the spot and shot one round off. The rest of them turned to watch. What they hadn't realized was that one of the demons was standing still, not participating in the frenzy. Sanzo had spotted this, and pegged him as the original.

As the bullet found its mark, the demon gasped, and the clones disappeared.

"D-Damn you," the demon said before evaporating.

"Okay. That was an unsatisfyingly simple solution."

* * *

Itai – That hurts/Ow.

Moshi moshi – casual way of answering the telephone.

Jou-chan – Missy

Kinnikinnick: All right guys. I'm telling you. Review.

Technicolor: Seriously, have pity on the girl. Thinking that there might be reviews keep her going during the day.

Kinnikinnick: I wither without reviews…


	14. Chapter 14: She's Gonna Get Arrested

Kinnikinnick: Okay guys. I'm posting this warning now. The chapter after this is going to be rated 'Mature'. I'm just warning you. I'm sure some of you will see it coming.

Technicolor: Yeah. Basically, Miranda is proving herself to once again be a moron. Although I do feel sorry for her. She's so naïve, she probably won't see it coming…

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, we should probably build some sort of bomb shelter before I post the next chapter. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure she'll kill me.

Technicolor: And me, for letting you write that. Anyway, remember, we don't own Saiyuki, we don't own nothin'.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah…so sad.

Technicolor: Actually, now that I re-read this chapter, both girls are going to kill you for the outfits you given them.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, but, it was fun. Hehehe.

* * *

Chapter 17

At the next town, Gojyo finally won an argument.

"Yes! We're gonna hit the clubs!" he said triumphantly.

"How did I get talked into this?" Sanzo growled, his hand over his eyes.

"Maa, it's good to cut loose every once in awhile," Hakkai said. Miranda gasped.

"Renate! We don't have any clothes for clubbing! We HAVE to go shopping!" she said, and before Renate could object, she found herself being dragged outside.

"Why do I have to do this?" Renate growled.

"Because it's fun. Now shut up and help me find an outfit."

* * *

When they finally returned, it was just beginning to get dark, and the guys had already changed. Gojyo had opted for his brown trousers, t-shirt and brown blazer.

"I'm always ready for the ladies," he said when Miranda pointed out that this was what he wore almost every day.

Hakkai was wearing a black blazer, a green t-shirt and black trousers, Goku was wearing a red t-shirt and jeans, and Sanzo had been forced into wearing a black button-up shirt with jeans.

"Okay, well, we'll change and meet you downstairs!" Miranda said cheerfully, pushing the guys out of the room.

* * *

Chapter 18

"Ne, Sanzo, how long's it gonna take them?" Goku asked, sitting upside down on a chair.

"Ch. I don't know."

"They ARE girls, if you recall. And girls take a little longer to get ready," Hakkai said patiently.

"Well, I'm ready," Renate called. The guys fell silent as they watched her walk down the stairs. She was wearing a bright orange halter top and tight black capris with black shoes that had a slight heel.

"What's up with your hair? It's all shiny," Goku asked.

"I dunno, something Miranda did with it," Renate replied.

"And where is she?" Gojyo asked.

"She was almost done when I left, she said she'd be down in a minute. It's all that stupid hair of hers."

"I'm ready!" Miranda called. Silence fell again. Miranda, proud of her still-new hotness had opted for a black leather miniskirt and a black tube top, both of which laced up the sides, with black stilettos. Her hair was pulled back in a half-ponytail and most of it fell down her back in a shimmering wave.

"She's… gonna get arrested," Gojyo said in a tense voice.

"Don't I know it. I'm almost embarrassed to be seen with her," Renate muttered.

"Oh, shut up, you know I look hot," Miranda said, tossing her head so her hair caught the light.

"That's… the problem," Renate pointed out.

"Tch. I'll blend in at the club."

"I hope you're right," Hakkai chuckled, turning away from the two girls.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

* * *

Once they got to the club, the others found that Miranda was indeed correct. Her outfit was downright conservative compared to some of the stuff the other girls were wearing, and the other five looked almost puritanical.

"You had to pick the skankiest club in town, didn't you?" Sanzo asked irritably.

"I didn't even know you knew the word 'skanky', Sanzo-sama," Gojyo shot back. The clicking of a gun cocking had him quieting down.

"Maa, Sanzo, please don't shoot anyone at the club," Hakkai pleaded.

"All right!" Goku said, charging into the pulsing, gyrating crowd. Miranda followed eagerly, and the remaining four found a table.

"Hey, pretty lady," Gojyo said, jumping out of his chair to follow a girl. Hakkai, Sanzo and Renate ordered drinks from the waitress who wore a frilly miniskirt and a top that looked more like a bra. She batted her eyes at the guys, and Renate had to pound her fist on the table to get her attention.

"Skank," she muttered after the waitress walked away. When the drinks finally arrived, the three nursed them in silence. Conversation was nearly impossible, what with the blaring music and heavy bass beat.

Finally, Goku pushed his way through the crowd.

"Man, it's awesome in there! They have a mosh pit!" he said, his eyes glowing with excitement.

"That's sound like just the thing for you," Renate muttered. The pounding music was giving her a headache. "Have you seen Miranda?" she shouted at Goku, who had just ordered a platter of meat buns.

"Uh, I think I saw her talking to some guy over there," he said, pointing at a particularly dark corner of the club.

"Shit. What kind of trouble is she getting into now?" Renate said, getting out of her chair. She shoved her way through the undulating crowd, not bothering with the niceties. No one could hear her anyway. She finally managed to get to the back corner, to find Miranda talking to a very tall, dark haired man, who Renate instantly took a disliking to.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. Miranda jumped about three feet in the air.

"Oh. Hi, Renate! This is... erm, I think his name is Toji. Toji, this is my friend Renate," she said cheerfully. The tall man nodded.

"Come on. That's not what we're here for," Renate said, grabbing Miranda's wrist and dragging her through the crowd. She could tell that Miranda was saying something, but she couldn't hear what it was. She also noticed Toji following them.

Once they emerged from the crowd, however, Renate could hear her just fine.

"What the hell was that?" Miranda demanded, yanking her wrist away.

"We're not here for that. You barely know that guy!" Renate said, gesturing at Toji, who had come up behind Miranda. Distantly, she heard her conscience asking her why she was being like this.

"That's why we were talking!"

"Oh, please. Like you were talking about anything important. That was three seconds away from being a make-out session!"

Dimly, Renate was aware that Gojyo had returned to the table, and now all four men were staring at them.

"I've seen them fight, but never like this," Gojyo said softly to Hakkai. Hakkai nodded.

"Ne, Goku? How about we go back to that mosh pit?" Gojyo said nervously as the girls' shouting match escalated. He felt it was much safer in there than it was here.

"You know what!? I don't need this! Come on Toji!" Miranda said, grabbing the man's hand and heading for the door.

"Moron!" Renate shouted after her, before huffing off to a corner.

"Oh dear," Hakkai sighed, "Sanzo, could you please go make sure Miranda gets back to the hotel okay? I'm going to go check on Renate."

"Ch. Fine," Sanzo said, getting out of the chair and following the angry blonde.

"Oh, and Sanzo? Don't let her know you're keeping an eye on her," Hakkai called, before disappearing into the crowd.

"Whatever," Sanzo mumbled as he stepped out into the night air. Looking around, he saw Miranda and Toji walking down the street.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Le gasp! What's going to happen to Miranda!? What's going to happen to Renate!? Are Hakkai and Sanzo going to end up thrown through walls for trying to intervene!? Are the girls ever going to reconcile!? Read and review to find out. 


	15. Chapter 15: I Drank SO Much Tea

Kinnikinnick: Okay, first things first. I once again shed tears of gratitude. Thank you sooooo much to the following peoples:

Jac Grove – I would like to give you a cyber-hug. I'm sorry if I sound a little bossy, I'm just really desperate for reviews… I am a review whore. It's pretty much my only self-esteem boost. And I know, I really should add more details. However, I'm writing at the speed of light due to a combination of TC being a bossy twit and lack of time because of various tests and such. Pshaw, why do I bother with college? All I need is an alley with a plug-in and my laptop and I'll be good to go.

SakuraEmma29 – Honestly, I want to declare my undying love for you. This is twice that you've reviewed. I am sending you cyber-cookies and some cyber-hot chocolate, because it's snowing where I am. And actually, you guys'll find out where Renate, Miranda, TC and I all live in a few chapters. It keeps me going, knowing that you're waiting for my updates! Yeah, poor Miranda… I almost made myself ill writing this chapter, because I know it happens to people all the time and that's part of the reason I'm becoming a lawyer.

RockerRema13 – Oh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I was honestly very worried about if my characters would be too Mary-Sue. Actually, I was more worried about Miranda, because the person I based Renate's character on would NEVER become a Mary-Sue. She's far too violent. Yeah, I had to make it modern. I couldn't deal with writing this if I didn't. I shudder at the thought.

The Mad Hatter – I will. Like right now. And all of tomorrow, because I don't have classes, due to various cancellations.

Technicolor: Kinnikinnick, you know that you're not technically supposed to reply to the reviewers like that, right?

Kinnikinnick: Shh. I won't tell if you won't. Also, be gentle with this chapter guys. It was very difficult to write, as was the next chapter, because the situation to follow is a delicate one. Anyone who wants to enact violence upon 'Toji' after reading this is more than welcome to.

Technicolor: Right. Anyway, this next chapter, you will have to pardon us. Miranda gets in trouble, and Sanzo acts a LITTLE out of character.

Kinnikinnick: No, I have justified this by thinking that Miranda is very similar to Goku, and we all know that Sanzo, even in non-slash settings, has a soft spot for Goku. Hence his behavior.

Technicolor: Anyway, for this chapter the rating has been upped. We apologize. And remember, we don't own Saiyuki or the ability to drug Renate.

Kinnikinnick: Oh, and anyone wondering why I didn't do my usually five-chapter-update-marathon, an explanation accompanies my usual plea for reviews at the bottom.

* * *

Chapter 19

"I can't believe her. She's been with more guys than I have. Just because I might operate a little faster…" Miranda ranted. Toji said nothing.

"Sheesh. Sorry about all this," Miranda said once her temper had cooled a little.

"No problem. Hey, why don't you come back to my place?" Toji asked, his voice deep and smooth. Miranda stopped walking.

"Um. Sorry, I can't. Erm, well, actually… No, sorry, I'm not interested in moving _that_ fast," Miranda said, holding her hands up. Toji leaned in close and Miranda backed up, bumping into a brick wall. Toji put his hands up on either side, and Miranda suddenly knew what it felt like to be 'trapped like a rat'.

"Aw, come on. You want to get even with your friend, don't you?" he asked, a leering smile on his face.

"No! Stop it!" Miranda said, trying to push him away. She couldn't do too much fighting in these stilettos. _Stupid shoes!_ she thought.

Toji grabbed her wrists, and Miranda felt fear crawling up and down her back as she bit back a scream.

"Come on. You're all dressed up for a night of fun. Why not play some games?" he murmured in her ear, one hand sliding down her side, fingering the lacings on her skirt. Miranda could feel a wave of fear rising like nausea, and she could hear a roaring noise in her ears.

Suddenly, Toji jerked backwards, and Miranda felt a slight stinging sensation on her right cheek. She turned her head and saw a bullet hole in the brick wall, barely an inch from where Toji's head had been. As Toji's head swiveled around, Miranda peered over his shoulder and, to her horror, saw Sanzo standing behind them.

"Who the hell are you?" Toji demanded.

"What'll that matter if you're dead? Which you will be if you don't get the hell out of here," Sanzo said. Miranda could feel herself shaking in fear from the tone in Sanzo's voice.

"Whatever man, this is nuts," Toji said, taking off. Miranda slid to the ground in bare relief, shaking so hard that she couldn't stand.

"That was really stupid."

Miranda could hear Sanzo walking up to her, and she began to cry. First Sanzo was going to yell at her, and then Renate. And add to that the feeling that she felt really stupid for not being able to defend herself. She waited for the flood of yelling. When nothing happened, she looked up, the night air cold against her wet cheeks.

Sanzo was crouching right in front of her, his indigo eyes level with hers.

"That… was incredibly stupid," he said again grabbing her chin and wiping off the droplets of blood that had formed on her cheek, the result of shrapnel from the brick. Miranda searched his face for anger and found none. With a sob, she launched herself into his arms.

"I know, I know, and I'm really sorry, I'll never do something like that again, I feel really stupid, please, please don't tell Renate," she cried into his chest.

Sanzo stood there awkwardly, not sure of what to do. He finally settled for patting her on the back.

"Sorry. I know you don't like hugs," Miranda said, pulling away, her face beet red.

"It's okay," Sanzo muttered, not looking at her. Miranda looked closely at him and saw that he had a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. She said nothing, but felt a sense of satisfaction.

_Take that, stupid slash writers_, she thought, forgetting she had been a dedicated slash fan for years.

When they got back to the hotel, they found the others waiting for them.

"What took you so long? I was so worried! Don't ever do that again! Oh, I'm so sorry I yelled at you," Renate sobbed, hugging Miranda so tight that she thought she heard bones cracking.

"Let… go!" she gasped. Renate released her and continued her lament.

"Did you drug her or something?" Miranda asked Hakkai when she could breathe properly.

"Just a little, and I regret it. She hasn't shut up since I slipped it into her tea. By the way, she said some VERY interesting things while you were gone. You better hope she doesn't repeat them," Hakkai said, giving Miranda a pointed look.

"I'm going to kill her," Miranda said, turning red again.

"… and I'll never ever let you wander off again, you had us scared so bad, I drank SO much tea while you were gone…"

"Maybe we should put her to bed," Hakkai suggested.

"No, this is fun. I've never seen her like this. She usually doesn't even get drunk," Miranda said, enthralled with this side of her friend. She watched as Renate grabbed Gojyo around the shoulders.

"I'm… so sorry, 'bout all the mean things I said about you… you're… an okay guy," she said, her words starting to slur. Suddenly, she dropped, and only Hakkai's speed saved her from a concussion.

"My God, how much did you give her?" Miranda asked as Hakkai tucked Renate into a bed.

"Well… maybe more than I thought," Hakkai laughed, scratching the back of his head. Miranda sighed.

"She's gonna wake up SO pissed," Miranda said, before grabbing her pajamas and going to change.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Okay. So. What did you think? Honestly, I really struggled with this chapter guys, so any feedback would be good. Also, anyone with a pair of scissors? I'm currently wrapped in rainbow crepe paper.

Technicolor: You just got back from the GLBTA Drag Ball, didn't you?

Kinnikinnick: Yes, and it was awesome! Guys in skirts and girls in… well, pants, but it was still fun! A couple of the guys wrapped me in the leftover streamers. And I got to use one of the rainbow flags as a cape! I was flattered when this one girl told me I have pretty eyes. I felt bad telling her I was straight.

Technicolor: Good God, you're so weird. I was wondering where you were when I tried calling you.

Kinnikinnick: Yup, I was dancing with hot gay guys! Why are all the cute ones gay!? Or at least it seems like it.

Technicolor: Anyway, what Kinnikinnick is trying to say, in her own strange way, is to please read and review.


	16. Chapter 16: He's The One Who Drugged Me

Kinnikinnick: Okay guys. Before you read, I would just like to explain this, before anyone jumps on me for adding Mary-Sue like elements. In real life, the people that Miranda and Renate are based on have this freaky psychic connection. For example, the following conversation occurred.

Miranda: Call Renate.

Me: Why?

Miranda: Because she's not wearing her seatbelt.

Me: Sure, okay, whatever. Renate?

Renate: Yes?

Me: Are you buckled?

Renate: No, but tell Miranda that I'm buckling back up in a second, I had to reach into the backseat to get Jacob's wallet.

Me: … you guys are weird…

Technicolor: Yeah, it's super-freaky. So, because we do try and keep our characters based on the people we model them after, here this is. Kinnikinnick and I debated about it for a long time, because we were worried that people would perceive it as a weird Mary-Sue thing, and then we decided to include the explanation so y'all won't think we're going crazy on you.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, although some people who don't believe in that stuff will probably just blow off our explanation anyway…

Technicolor: Then why would they be reading a story based on a story based on a story about a monkey who is a king who has an adventure with a pig, a priest and a kappa?

Kinnikinnick: People do some STRANGE things. Please remember, dear readers, that we do not own Saiyuki. Or the theory of ESP. Or the ability to make Miranda and Renate have a nice moment in real life.

Technicolor: Yeah, they're usually fighting about something inane. Or, if they're not fighting, they're unconscious.

Kinnikinnick: We have no idea why they're best friends, now that we reflect on how often they fight.

* * *

Chapter 20

That night, Miranda tossed and turned while Renate slept peacefully beside her. The room had only come with three beds, albeit large ones, and the group had been forced to share, as no one wanted to sleep on the floor. Below the window, Hakkai, Gojyo and Hakuryu slept, Hakkai and Gojyo with their backs to each other, Hakuryu wedged in between. Goku and Sanzo had a similar position in the bed opposite from Miranda. Renate laid on her side, partially sprawled. Miranda lay on her stomach, her arms wrapped around the pillow, staring blankly at the wall.

She knew that Sanzo had told the three guys what had happened because she could hear the low murmurs when she was in the adjoining bathroom, and she had seen the look Hakkai had given her when she came out, a mixture of 'What were you thinking?' and 'Thank God Sanzo was there'. She couldn't bear meeting the guys' eyes, so she muttered something about being tired and slid into bed next to Renate.

_As long as they don't tell Renate_, Miranda thought to herself. She didn't know what her friend would do, but she didn't think she'd like it very much.

"I already know, if that's what's keeping you awake."

Miranda almost fell out of bed when she heard Renate murmur.

"Know what?" Miranda asked, trying to sound innocent.

"About your little Mary-Sue escapade tonight. Don't worry about it, I'm not going to give you crap. Except for that you shouldn't wear shoes you can't fight in."

"How did you know?" Miranda asked. Renate had been out cold when the guys had talked about it. Renate sat up and leaned against the wall, and Miranda rolled over to face her.

"I have no idea, but I could see parts of what was happening to you._ I_ even got a little scared when he got you against that wall," Renate said softly.

"Aw, you care," Miranda said, making a half-hearted attempt at a joke.

"Not the time. Anyway, don't worry. I know how scared you were. And if the guys give you crap, I'll beat the shit out of them," Renate said.

"My hero!" Miranda laughed, hugging Renate.

"Let go!"

"No, this is payback for nearly cracking my spine in half earlier!"

"Blame Hakkai for that, he's the one who drugged me!"

"Shut up!"

The two girls froze as a bullet whizzed past them. They hadn't realized how loud they were getting.

"Sorry," Miranda whispered, sliding back under the covers.

"Miranda?"

"Mm?" Miranda managed. She felt less restless now, and she could feel the dark syrup that was sleep starting to enfold her.

"I _am_ sorry for the way I acted."

"S'okay."

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Just a little note, someone alerted me to the fact that I was neglecting Hakuryu. I'm so sorry to all you Hakuryu fans out there. To me, it's sort of like 'Why WOULDN'T he be there?' and when I write, I see what I'm writing as a comic book, so things like details and what Hakuryu are doing often get left out. I'm so sorry. Gomen, minna-san!

Technicolor: Yeah, sorry about that guys.

Kinnikinnick: Oh, and for any of you curious to know what Miranda and Renate look like in Saiyuki-land, I will be scanning in and posting pictures as soon as I go home for Christmas, which is December 14th. Hopefully, you guys will still be reading!


	17. Chapter 17: This Is Gonna Be Fun

Kinnikinnick: Hi guys! First of all, I would like to confess how incredibly dense I am. Previously, I mentioned how alike Miranda and Goku can be. However, when I was letting one of my friends read ahead (for those of you who didn't know, I've got most of the story typed out already. I am proud to say that it is ninety-seven pages long) she commented on how alike Sanzo and Renate are. I sat staring at her for a moment before going "Oh. Really?"

Technicolor: That is because you, my dear friend, are almost as much a moron as our beloved Miranda. After all, WHO ran into a brightly colored pole that was bigger around than you were while we were at the Mall of America?

Kinnikinnick: Hey. I was talking to YOU. Therefore that was YOUR fault.

Technicolor: Was it also my fault that when you ran into said pole you were wearing a tiara and butterfly wings? (True story)

Kinnikinnick: Gasp! You promised not to tell!

Technicolor: Pshaw. Anyway, for this chapter… well… maybe you better explain.

Kinnikinnick: Uh, yeah. When writing this story, I set myself some rules. After this chapter, I will have broken most of these rules. Why? Well, let me 'splain. I am SUPER jealous of Kougaiji's ability to summon his little engokuki thing. I can never spell that right… So, in response, I gave my most pathetic characters a cool talent. That was one of my rules: No fighting abilities beyond those of using a weapon.

Technicolor: Yeah, that's now lying shattered on the frozen ground. Anyway, Kougaiji shows up and we discover that in Saiyuki-land, PMS gives you the ability to tell off Demon Princes. And the girls get to have an ironic little argument.

Kinnikinnick: And remember, folks, we don't own Saiyuki. Or PMS. Or chocolate.

Technicolor: We have to remedy that last one.

* * *

Chapter 21

"Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry," Miranda and Goku sang. Miranda, growing tired of the same chant, had set it to the tune of 'Mary had a little lamb', and had taught Goku how to sing in a round. Now there was a constant cry of 'hungry' set to the most irritating nursery song on the face of the planet.

"SHUT UP!" Sanzo and Renate finally bellowed. Renate kicked Goku in the face while Sanzo smacked Miranda with the fan.

"Ow! Itai! OW! STOP IT!" Miranda finally shouted.

"Then shut up!" Renate replied. Silence fell as Renate and Sanzo fumed and Miranda and Goku pouted.

"When are we going to reach town?" Gojyo asked.

"According to the map… soon," Hakkai said.

"How soon is soon?"

"I have no idea."

"We're never gonna get there…" Miranda moaned. No one made any reply, and Miranda debated about what she could do to get a response from any of the group. Finally, she merely decided to drop her head back and take a nap.

However, just as she was beginning to drift into the darkness, the jeep screeched to a halt.

"God damn! You'd think we'd learn to wear seat belts!" Miranda shouted, gripping the back of Sanzo's seat.

"We meet again, Sanzo-ikkou," said a voice that is familiar even to Miranda and Renate.

"Kougaiji," Goku said as a means of greeting the demon standing in front of them. His nyoi-bo appeared in one hand, along with a wide grin.

"I'm not here to fight with you. I'm here for the two girls," Kougaiji stated. Miranda and Renate exchanged glances.

"Doshite?" Miranda asked, painfully aware of the Sutra in her backpack.

"You have a scriputure," comes the simple reply.

"I got it," Renate said, leaping out of the jeep.

"Okay, have fun," Miranda said, yawning. Kougaiji laughed.

"I think you underestimate me, girl."

"Okay, I have a name. It's Renate. I'm tired of being called 'girl'. Tell your goonies," Renate said, summoning her ji. Without any further ado, she leapt at Kougaiji, who easily dodged.

"Hmm, you're quick," he said as he jumped past. Renate only grunted and spun around to swipe at him again.

"Not quick enough, though," Kougaiji said, landing a punch.

"Oof," Renate said, sliding back a little. But when she looked up, she was grinning.

"This is gonna be fun," she told him, leaping forward. She managed to cut him a little on the cheek.

"Just give up the sutra," Kougaiji said.

"Um, no."

"Get him, Nate-chan!" Miranda said from the jeep. Suddenly, Kougaiji became a blur, and the others in the jeep could hear blows landing.

"Gah," Renate said, grabbing a nearby tree for support. She narrowed her eyes dangerously, and launched a new assault, moving even faster.

"Get him! Get him! Get—Ow!" Miranda said as Sanzo hit her with his fan.

"Shut up and just watch," Sanzo told her.

Suddenly, Kougaiji began to chant.

"Renate! Look out! It's his engoki-thingy!" Miranda shouted. She watched as the flaming beast roared up from the ground.

"Dammit!" Renate shouted, trying to dodge. As she turned to see where the beast was, she saw it looming directly over her.

"Fire dragon!"

As Renate watched, another fiery beast erupted from the ground, this one facing Kougaiji's. As the group watched, the flaming dragon swallowed up the engokuki. Renate turned, shocked, to see Miranda standing in the back of the jeep, her right hand still extended.

Miranda stared at her hand in shock, before punching the air in excitement. "The author loves me!" she shouted.

"Dammit, why do you get to do that cool stuff!?" Renate demanded, Kougaiji forgotten for the moment.

"Meh, I'm sure you'll get something cool too."

"Yeah, but why do you get it first!?"

"I don't ask, I just praise the author," Miranda said, sounding smug.

"You're writing this, aren't you?" Renate growled.

"How could I be? I'm in this messed up world, aren't I?" Miranda shouted back.

"You'd find a way!" Renate shouted, pointing accusingly. Miranda seemed to think that statement over.

"Ya, I would. But if I was writing this, I'd have a butt, and there would be some definite changes. The only conclusion is that YOU are beta-ing."

"What!? How dare you!?"

"Excuse me!" Kougaiji said irritably. Both girls gave him a look that could kill, and Kougaiji couldn't help but gulp.

"Yes, excuse you, we're in the middle of something," Miranda said, getting out of the jeep and poking him in the chest, "And you, Mr. Tough-Guy can go die. We're tired, I'm hungry, and I am this close to killing something. Now leave."

Kougaiji didn't seem to know what to do. No way was he going to back down just because some little girl was getting up in his face. However, he had long learned from Lirin and Yaone that sometimes, enough was enough.

"I'll be back," he said in as threatening of a tone as he could manage, considering that Miranda's forefinger was still jackhammering into his chest.

"Good. And when you get back, I will castrate you," Miranda shouted after his retreating form.

As the girls climbed into the jeep, the other four could only stare.

"What?" Renate demanded. Miranda crossed her arms moodily.

"I need some goddamn chocolate."

* * *

Itai – Ow/That hurts

Doshite – Why?

Kinnikinnick: I laughed to myself while writing this chapter. To be honest, the argument over who was writing the fanfic was really fun to write, because I could see Miranda and Renate doing that if they didn't already know that I am writing and TC is beta-ing.

Technicolor: Yeah. Renate's going to be angry, you better have something ready to give her too.

Kinnikinnick: No! I can't. That's just… oh, fine, you're probably right… Anyway, I also love the part where Miranda threatens to castrate Kougaiji. And the next chapter is a doozy. It's really short, but I'm really excited about posting it. I hadn't read these parts since the middle of September (I've been writing this fic for a while) and I laughed while reading the next chapter.


	18. Chapter 18: Hide

Kinnikinnick: Hay guise! All right, this is a REALLY short chapter, but the chapter afterwards deserves to be on its own, so I'm putting it up like this. Also, it is 2:06 a.m. and I am STARVING, so this will probably be the last update until about noon today.

Technicolor: Why are you still awake?

Kinnikinnick: I could ask you the same thing. And I am still awake because I am posting, duh. No, really, I'm still awake because I drank too much soda at the Drag Ball and I am still wired. However, I'm trapped in my small dorm room because security gives me funny looks every time I come and go at odd hours like this. By the way, I've started to notice that I'm only ever really hungry when the cafeteria is closed. Honestly. It's like "Oh, I'm hungry. Dang, it's ten-thirty, breakfast is over". "Oh, I'm hungry again. Crap! It's one-thirty, lunch is over. Great, now I've missed two meals," and then, "Wow. I'm hungry. Really, really hungry. DAMMIT! It's eleven-fifteen! Everything is CLOSED!" However, I have found that dry noodles are delicious and crunchy.

Technicolor: Something is so wrong with you. What are you going to do when you don't have a cafeteria to eat in anymore?

Kinnikinnick: Um… find a boyfriend who can cook? Anyway, in this chapter, the four guys take refuge from the two wrathful blondes. "Hell hath no fury like Renate and Miranda PMS-ing". Yeah, I'm pretty sure a 'woman scorned' couldn't hold a candle to those two… And remember, we don't own Saiyuki. Kazuya Minekura does. So when the HELL is she gonna put out the next book!?

* * *

Chapter 22

The four guys waited until they were sure the two girls were firmly napping before they dared speak.

"What was that?" Goku asked, edging nervously away from Miranda's sleeping form. She still managed to retain an irritated look while napping.

"I think… well, I think they're PMS-ing," Hakkai said tentatively. He felt like he was sitting next to a ticking time bomb as Renate got jostled back and forth.

"They're what?" asked Gojyo.

"Well, it's something… all girls go through. Usually happens once a month. I've never seen it this bad though. Usually it's just mild mood swings," Hakkai laughed nervously.

"Ch. Could we expect anything less from these two?" Sanzo muttered. The four froze as they heard the cocking of a gun.

"Can you guys stop talking, or will someone have to die?" Renate asked in a dangerous tone. She had obviously pick-pocketed Sanzo's gun at some point.

"God…damn…chocolate," Miranda muttered sleepily from the back.

The four were silent for the rest of the trip, and even Sanzo had had such fear struck in him that he didn't bother to try and wrest the gun from Renate's grip, which remained tight even in sleep.

The terror continued through the next day. Sanzo ended up exchanging his room, the only single, to get his gun back, and the guys remained in their small room as the girls left in search of chocolate.

"Well. At least we don't have to worry about anything bad happening to them," Hakkai said, watching the two blond heads as they sauntered down the street.

"Yeah, they're not going to have any problems ripping off anyone's balls," Gojyo said, covering his own protectively.

"They're as scary as Hakkai when he transforms…if not scarier," Goku said, clutching a pillow.

"I definitely think they out-rank me in the scary department, Goku."

"Ch. You're all a bunch of pussies," Sanzo said.

"Oh yeah!? Then how'd you end up in our room!?" Gojyo demanded accusingly.

"She had my gun."

"Yeah… and you didn't just take it back…why?"

"Ch."

"So…what are we gonna do for the rest of this 'reign of terror'?" Goku asked.

"Hide. That's all we can do," Hakkai told him.

"Yeah, I like where my balls are, thanks," Gojyo concluded.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: I'm too tired to put anything funny here, so I'm going to revert to my old standby. Read and review if you love me. Or if you don't. Good God, it's time for bed. 


	19. Chapter 19: I Miss The Guys!

Kinnikinnick: Hey guys! Oh my lord, I just finished trying to register for my classes. Stupid computer kept saying the internet wasn't connected, and then a bunch of the classes I wanted to get were snippered right out from under me. Gah. So, anyway, SakuraEmma29, you are officially my favorite person. I'm sorry that it doesn't snow where you are. I live in Minnesota, where it snows most of the time. Or, at least it used to. Not so much now, what with global warming.

Technicolor: Global warming is all propaganda!

Kinnikinnick: Okay TC. Anyway, you will definitely see Kanon, and probably soon. I'm not sure about Hazel and Kami-sama. TC and I have actually been debating about them back and forth. See, most of this fic is written in kind of a Saiyuki time-warp. Whatever that means. However, we did like the idea of meeting up with Kami-sama and Hazel. We're just not sure how to do it, because we're trying to avoid to whole thing where people pretty much just re-write the whole story. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't give me the creative freedom I want… Yeah, that's what I get for having an English minor…

Technicolor: What she's trying to say is that she wants to be able to do whatever she wants, and she doesn't want to follow the constraints of a story already written.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah. Pretty much. So, I am trying to figure out a way to put them in. I'm just not sure how. If it makes any difference, I love them too!

Technicolor: That's so sad at your age…

Kinnikinnick: Shut up, you make me sound old! Anyway, in this next chapter… I'm not even going to summarize, you guys are just gonna have to check it out. And not beat me. I couldn't resist, I've always wanted to do this.

Technicolor: And remember, we don't own Saiyuki. However, for five dollars, YOU can own the rights to beating up Kinnikinnick if you ever meet her.

Kinnikinnick: Don't tell them that!

* * *

Chapter 23

"I think we might have been too harsh on the guys," Miranda said, taking a gulp of her hot chocolate. The two were seated in a café, both with steaming cups of hot chocolate and a plate of bon-bons before them. The waitress had laughed when they ordered and said 'Yeah, I've had those days.'

"Eh, they'll get over it," Renate said, popping a chocolate in her mouth.

"True. Anyway… what are we gonna do? We can't just stay here, fun as it is," Miranda said.

"Yeah… did you ever call Matt back?"

"No, my cell phone is gone again," Miranda said, leaning back in her chair.

"Jeez. This author really likes yanking our chains," Renate said with a pointed glance. Miranda sighed heavily.

"Again, I say: If I was writing this, I would have a butt. And we certainly wouldn't be PMS-ing. Or if we were, we wouldn't have to have gone in search of chocolate, we would have had it long ago."

It was Renate's turn to sigh.

"Well, we have to get home sometime. But how? And when? Your mom is already freaking out, and I'm sure mine isn't far behind," Renate said. Miranda shrugged as she helped herself to a bon-bon.

"Well," she said, chewing and swallowing, "Everything we've run into so far has had an amazingly simple solution. So… maybe we're overlooking a really simple answer."

"Like saying 'Can we please go home?'"

There was a flash of light, and then the same blackness as before, along with the sensation of being unable to breath. Then, the girls landed in a heap on the ground.

"Where… are we?"

Renate gasped as she looked down at herself. She was back in her regular body.

"Dammit, I didn't actually want to leave!" Miranda shouted, "And I'm fat again…"

"Same here," Renate poked at the pudge that had re-developed around her middle. "Anyway, we have to get back."

"How? The ripple's gone."

"We have to still be under the eye of the author. No way that whoever is writing this would end it like that," Renate said, trying to follow the same messed up line of logic that they had been trying to follow since they had gotten to Saiyuki-land.

"So… do we just ask to go back?"

"Can't hurt."

"Please, author, send us back to the guys," Miranda said, sounding strangely close to tears.

Nothing happened.

The two girls stood for a moment, shuffling their feet.

"Now what?" Renate asked quietly. Miranda sniffed and drew her sleeve across her eyes.

"I miss the guys!" she wailed.

"Aw, you care."

Both girls turned around.

"Oh my God, what have we done?" Renate asked breathlessly.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Ooh, I am sooooo evil! Bwahahaha! That's right. They're here. And now ALL the rules I've ever set for writing fanfiction are broken.

Technicolor: No, wait, I found one unbroken one, hidden in the remains of the other rules. "No slash of any sorts in the stories I write." Funny, considering your slash addiction.

Kinnikinnick: Oh. Well. We'll have to break that one soon. And I'm pretty sure we will, somehow.

Technicolor: Yeah, I'm going to keep sifting for unbroken rules… Hopefully those will keep you in line.

Kinnikinnick: Actually, that is technically the BETA'S job, lazy. So, guys, please review if you've got the time and the inclination. I'll try and post more today. However, as I'm looking through what I've already written I keep finding things that make me say 'What the hell was I thinking?' so I'm doing some major overhaul on the story.


	20. Chapter 20: Minnesota Nice

Kinnikinnick: Well. I've done it. Bahaha! If you haven't guessed already, I'm telling you right now. The guys are in our world. And if that doesn't scare you, nothing will.

Technicolor: Yeah, I know I'm a little frightened at the idea.

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, in this chapter, you find out where the girls live (sort of). And stuff.

Technicolor: What an astute summary. Remember we don't own anything.

Kinnikinnick: And sorry guys, but this is the last update for today. I'm super tired and I have a bunch of stuff I have to do. Stupid papers.

* * *

Chapter 24

The girls stared, wide eyed.

"The fangirls are going to kill the author, and then mob them," Miranda muttered.

"What do you two keep babbling about?" Sanzo demanded.

"Nothing. What the hell are we going to do with them?" Miranda asked Renate.

"We'll figure that out later. Let's get out of here," she said, gesturing for the guys to follow. They circled back around the Caribou, following the same route in reverse that Renate and Miranda had run weeks ago, although, according to Miranda's mysterious phone call, it had only been two days.

The car was where they had left it, untouched in the parking lot. Dead leaves littered the windshield and piled up around the tires, the only sign that the car hadn't moved in a while.

"Good," Renate muttered, giving her baby a once-over to check for damage. "No one was stupid enough to break in while we were gone."

Piling into the Focus, which was technically only supposed to seat four instead of six, Goku finally piped up.

"Where are we?"

He was wedged between Sanzo and Gojyo, who were practically sitting on each other as it was. Hakkai was squashed against the door, with Hakuryu sitting on his lap. The little dragon was peeping quietly to himself in what sounded like sympathy as he watched everyone wrestle for a comfortable position.

"This is where Miranda and I live. It's a place called Minnesota," Renate said, ignoring the gasps and bickering from the back seat and pulling out of the parking lot.

"Whoa! There are tons of cars here! Look, that looks like our jeep, Hakkai!" Goku said excitedly, reaching past Sanzo to point out the window. Sanzo pulled out his gun and cocked it, but before he could let off a shot, Renate turned to glare at him.

"Shoot that gun in my car and I'll shove it up your ass," she growled, turning back to the road in time to slam on her brakes as an SUV ran a red light and swerved into her lane.

"Hey, that guy just cut you off!" Miranda screeched, gripping the dashboard and pointing out the windshield.

"I know! Hasn't he ever heard of Minnesota Nice?" Renate demanded, changing lanes.

"Yeah. Ram him!"

Renate sighed. It was good to be home.

Chapter 25

As they drove, the guys gawked, and Miranda and Renate tried to figure out what to do with them.

"Well, we can't take them to my house. My mom'll flip," Renate said.

"Well… we could take them to my dorm room. We just have to sneak them in," Miranda said.

"That's right, you've got a single now. Okay, well… that's still a three hour drive," Renate replied with a grimace.

"Yeah… but you've got your mp3 now, so it'll be fine," Miranda said.

"True," Renate said, turning on her mp3 player and cranking the music. Linkin Park began blasting out of the speakers, loud enough to rattle the windows. The guys winced, but the girls didn't seem to mind at all. Despite the rather angry vibes the song gave off, Renate actually seemed to relax back into her seat, smiling and lightly tapping the steering wheel with her fingertips.

"Okay guys, here's the plan," Miranda shouted over the music, craning around in her seat, "We're going to take you to my dorm room. You have to be super quiet, or I could get in a lot of trouble. I'm not allowed to have more than one guest at a time."

"Dorm room?" Hakkai asked.

"Yeah… it's like an apartment for students. We're currently on winter break, so there shouldn't be too many people around, but security is still around, so… be stealthy."

Renate rolled her eyes as she recalled Miranda's last attempt at being stealthy.

* * *

When they pulled up to the campus, Renate quickly found a parking spot, and the guys all piled out, craning their necks to look at the buildings.

"Whoa. What is this place?" Goku asked.

"This is my university. That's the courtyard over there, and my dorm building is right there," Miranda said, pointing.

"What's that really tall one?" Gojyo asked, pointing at the tallest building on the campus.

"That's the all girls dorm, and if you get any closer to it, security will rush out and beat you," Miranda shouted. Gojyo had started heading towards the building as soon as he had heard the words 'all girls dorm'.

"Aw, come on," he pleaded.

"No," Renate said, punching him in the back of the head.

"Follow me. And be quiet," Miranda said, leading the guys over to the other dormitory.

"Okay. How are we gonna do this?" Renate asked as they stood beside it. Both girls had their hands on their hips.

"Well, we have two options. We can wait until seven, so then I won't have to check them in. Or, I could go up, unscrew my screen, lower my sheet out the window, and hoist everyone up."

"What's that smell?" Goku demanded, sniffing the air.

"Probably the dining hall. They start cooking pretty early in the morning," Miranda told him, "And don't get too excited. College food sucks."

"Well, pardon me for being reasonable, but it's already six. We can wait an hour," Renate said.

"Okay. Let's go for a walk in the park then."


	21. Chapter 21: I'm Gonna Keep This

Kinnikinnick: Hello! Welcome, welcome! Just a heads up, this is probably the most bi-polar chapter EVER. Miranda explains a few of the darker aspects of our world, and then electrocutes some drunks.

Technicolor: Yeah, we found out how to make a tazer out of a disposable camera. We spent an entire weekend electrocuting each other once.

Kinnikinnick: That's because we're crazy. Also, I know I said that last chapter would be the last update today, but then I saw that TC left me a review. This one is for you TC!

Technicolor: I'm right here. And I've already read it. I'm your beta, remember?

Kinnikinnick: Still, it's the thought that counts.

Technicolor: You're weird.

Kinnikinnick: Yup. Anyway, remember that we don't own anything. And I have the strangest feeling that I'm forgetting something…

* * *

Chapter 26

The group of six lay sprawled in the park, Sanzo and Gojyo on a pair of benches, the rest curled up in the snow-covered grass. As they lay there, exchanging jokes and stories, dawn began to wash over them. Miranda yawned as she watched the sky turn indigo. Getting up, she went over and stood in the now-empty fountain. Goku followed her over.

"So, you never really explained what this place was," he pointed out, sitting on the edge of the fountain. Miranda sprawled on the snowy cement, gazing up at the statue that seemed to sprout from the center.

"This is where I go to college. I come here to learn. I'm hoping to be a lawyer some day," Miranda explained.

"So… why can't we go in the building?" Goku asked.

"Mmm. Because, between the hours of eleven p.m. and seven a.m. all people who don't live in the dorms have to be checked in, and people who do live here are only allowed to check in one person a night," Miranda explained. A light snow began to fall.

"Why?"

"Well… they try to keep things safe for the students. See, in our world, demons don't really exist. All we have to worry about is ourselves. We just sort of… kill each other," she concluded sadly.

"Yeah. Humans are really good at that," Renate said, leaning over the edge of the fountain.

"Aren't we really?" Miranda said, giving a derisive laugh.

"What do you mean?" Goku asked, puzzled. Hakkai also began to drift over.

"A lot of colleges have had shootings. Where a college student who has just… snapped gets a hold of a gun and goes crazy, killing people left and right," Miranda said softly.

"And the worst part is… most of those shootings are preventable. If people were just a little nicer to each other, none of it would happen," Renate added.

"You make it sound like college is a horrible place to live," Hakkai commented lightly.

"In a way… it is."

"What about you, Renate?" Goku asked.

"I go to college, but I don't live on campus. I have my own apartment. Er…,well, I did," she amended.

"What happened?" Hakkai asked. Miranda started laughing.

"Shut up!" Renate said.

"Oh, oh, sorry, so sorry, go ahead and tell them," Miranda said.

"_You_ tell them if you think it's so funny!"

"Fine," Miranda said, sitting up and brushing snow out of her hair, "Renate doesn't have an apartment anymore because she set it on fire when she was trying to cook."

Hakkai and Goku stared at Renate.

"Shut up! Just because I'm slightly dyslexic when it comes to reading recipes…"

"You were making Thai food. There IS no set recipe," Miranda said, still laughing. She stopped when Renate whipped a snowball in her face.

"Who blew up their teakettle when they were boiling water, huh!?"

"Sounds like something Gojyo would do," Hakkai sighed.

"What did you say about me!?" Gojyo demanded from his bench.

"Nothing!" Hakkai called back.

Suddenly, from the other side of the park, the group heard the sound of drunken giggling, and two voices talking.

"I should have expected this. Renate, do you still have that disposable camera I gave you?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah," Renate said, fishing it out of her purse.

"Do you have anything on here you don't want to lose?" Miranda asked.

"No, do what you want."

"Cool."

As Hakkai and Goku watched a pair of drunken college kids stumble across the park, Renate watched as Miranda disassembled the camera. In a matter of minutes, however, she was snapping it back together. It looked almost the same, except she had removed the flashbulb. In its place were two wires poking out.

"Record time," Miranda muttered, pressing the button that would normally charge the flash.

"What are you doing?" Goku asked, tearing his eyes away from the couple who had just drawn level with Gojyo and Sanzo.

"You'll see," Miranda said, moving forward in the shadows, as the girl's voice rang out.

"Ohmigawd, look at this girl, she's so cute!" she exclaimed, pointing at Sanzo.

"What did you say?" Sanzo growled, sitting up.

"She said you're so cute. And I agree," slurred the girl's boyfriend. Sanzo reached for his gun, but before he could do anything, Miranda was standing next to the couple.

"Hi Joe!" Miranda said, before slamming the camera into the boy's neck.

"Gah!" the boy said as a slight electrical shock ran through him. He jumped back, his hand clapped to his throat.

"Whaddya do that for?" the girl asked, teetering tipsily on her toes. Miranda pushed the button to charge the flash again.

"I don't like it when people pester my friends," Miranda said over the whir of the charging camera. She swung her arm up and released a charge into the girl's arm, which, despite the cold, was bare.

"Gah!"

The couple fled the park, both clutching their electrocuted body parts.

"Wicked! I forgot you knew how to do that!" Renate said.

"Yeah, it's in my mental encyclopedia of useless things," Miranda said, handing the camera back to Renate. Renate turned it over.

"I'm gonna keep this, just in case," Renate said, stowing the camera back in her purse.

"What the hell was that?" Sanzo demanded.

"Drunken college kids. Fairly standard, incredibly stupid. Basically, they're usually the people who already have the lowest I.Q. on campus, who go out, get shit-faced, and have their I.Q.s lowered even more," Miranda said. As an afterthought, she added, "Not that smart people don't get shit-faced. They just don't do it as often, and usually aren't as stupid when they do."

"Anyway, it's nearly seven. Let's start heading back to your dorm," Renate pointed out.

"Good idea. I'm wiped out," Goku said sleepily.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: So…what did you guys think? And ignore TC's review, she's the real weirdo here.

Technicolor: What was that?

Kinnikinnick: Um, nothing… Uh, is that… is that Renate's ice scraper?

Technicolor: Yup.

Kinnikinnick: Eep! Read and review and AH! I've gotta run!


	22. Chapter 22: That's Gruesome

Kinnikinnick: Hey guys. Sorry if this chapter seems a little strange. I had to give it a complete overhaul, because once I looked at it again, I decided I hated it. However, I'm really pressed for time, so I'm sure I did a very poor job of it.

Technicolor: Jeez, I didn't even get to beta the new chapter.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, well, you've decided that real life is better than beta-ing for me.

Technicolor: Don't you dare.

Kinnikinnick: Oh no my friend. Not after you dished about the Mall of America incident. That's right. TC is in LURVE. Bwahahaha!

Technicolor: I hate you.

Kinnikinnick: That's all right. You'll be back. Anyway, in this chapter I give the guys a chance to rifle through Miranda's room, which is actually based on my dorm room.

Technicolor: And I say once again, we don't own Saiyuki. And Kinnikinnick is NOT Kazuya Minekura.

Kinnikinnick: That was payback, wasn't it?

Technicolor: You betch'ya.

* * *

Chapter 27

At approximately 7:03 a.m. Miranda turned the key in the lock of her dorm room door. At about 7:07 a.m. Miranda and Renate had drug out every blanket and pillow they could find to throw together five makeshift beds. At 7:12 a.m. all of them were out cold. Renate lay wedged between the wall and Hakkai, and Hakkai was next to Gojyo. Hakuryu was sleeping between the two men. Curled up next to the radiator lay Goku, and Sanzo lay not too far away from him. Miranda had felt bad about being the only one with a bed, and as a result had ended up sprawled between Sanzo and Gojyo, using her stuffed ducky as a pillow. As the sunlight crept in through the window, the six slept soundly, experiencing true peace for the first time in months.

At about noon, all four guys awoke to a strange noise.

"What's that sound?" asked Hakkai, stretching as he sat up. The four looked over to see Miranda sitting in a corner, curled in her dish chair, her computer open and perched on her lap. As they watched, she typed furiously, and then a bizarre 'bing' came from the laptop. Miranda looked up at them, her glasses sliding down on her nose.

"Oh, hey, you guys are awake," she said, pushing them back up.

"What are you doing?" Gojyo asked. Goku came around to stand behind Miranda, peering over her shoulder.

"Nothing," she said, turning pink and snapping her laptop shut.

"Hey, what was that picture?" Goku asked, reaching for the machine.

"Nothing! Hey, who's hungry?" Miranda asked, sounding very suspicious.

"Oh! I am!" Goku said, waving his hand in the air.

"Now that you mention it, I'm also rather hungry," Hakkai said, pressing his hand to his growling stomach.

"Aa. We haven't eaten in a while," Gojyo added.

"Cool. We'll head out and get some food," Miranda said, wrapping her laptop-lock around her computer, and chaining it to the leg of her loft bed, under which her desk was nestled.

"What about Renate?" Hakkai asked.

"She drove us all the way here, let her sleep," Miranda said, throwing a blanket over her friend, who had begun to shiver on the cold linoleum floor. Hakuryu lay curled up by her side, pressed into her back for warmth.

"Let me go take a shower and change, and then we can go. And if you touch any of my stuff, I will kill you," Miranda warned. Grabbing a change of clothes and her shower caddy, she left, locking the door behind her. She wasn't about to have someone wandering in on them.

As Miranda showered, the four guys inspect the dorm room, something they had been too tired to do when they had arrived. Next to the desk, under the loft, was a small refrigerator, with a microwave on top. On top of the microwave sat a row of duckies, three coffee mugs, a bowl of sugar, and a set of salt and pepper shakers.

"She doesn't have much in here," Goku said, looking the refrigerator.

In one of the drawers of the desk there was a box of Ramen packages, some instant oatmeal, a couple boxes of pasta and three boxes of tea bags. In another there was a jumble of notebooks, some rice cakes, various pens and pencils, a stapler, and a box of plastic baggies. Goku jumped up and opened her closet door. The closet proved to be almost as big as the room. Goku reached up and pulled the chain to turn on the single light bulb.

Inside the closet were all of Miranda's clothes, her hair brushes, a mirror, laundry soap, some dishes and dish soap, a bag of quarters, some makeup scattered across a shelf, piles of shoes, a stack of bath towels, and a hodge-podge of extension cords.

"Nothing much in here either," Goku commented. Gojyo poked his head in.

"This closet is huge. Whaddya mean 'nothing much'? There's a ton of stuff in here," Gojyo said, sauntering in.

"Yeah, but nothing interesting."

As they turned off the light and closed the door, they saw Hakkai inspecting Miranda's bookshelf.

"She's very into the paranormal, isn't she?" he said, eyeing her row of ghost-hunting books.

"And comics," Goku added, pulling out a book that had 'Yurara' written on the side.

"What's this one?" Sanzo said, pulling out a thick, red-leather volume. The gold lettering read 'Stephen King'. He flipped through some of the pages.

"That's… gruesome," he muttered, putting it back on the shelf.

"Absolute Boyfriend?" Gojyo asked, pulling another comic off the shelf, "She reads some weird stuff."

"Ne, Hakkai. How do I turn on this TV? There aren't any buttons on it!" Goku said, looking at the TV perched on top of the bookshelf.

"There should be a remote," Hakkai replied, still scanning the bookshelf.

"Ah! Found it!" Goku said, bending over Miranda's desk. The remote was buried under a pile of papers, most of which had scores written on the top of them, and a messy, slanting scrawl running over both sides of paper.

"Hey, she's pretty smart," Gojyo said, picking up one of the papers. '98' was written in red on top.

"Check this out," he said to the others, who turned to look at him, 'Ninety-eight, one hundred, one hundred, ninety-eight, ninety-nine."

"Leave it alone," Sanzo said irritably.

"What are you doing!?"

All four men jumped at the angry tone. None of them had noticed Miranda coming back into the room.

" I told you not to touch my stuff," Miranda said darkly. The four men gulped in unison.

"Gomen," Hakkai said hastily.

Outside, the mood became a lot lighter. Miranda chased Goku down the street, brandishing a snow ball. Goku managed to duck behind a bench and whip one back at her, to which Miranda retaliated by stuffing snow down his back.

"Maa, maa. You two are going to get soaked, and neither of you are wearing jackets," Hakkai called.

"Yeah, you're gonna catch colds," Gojyo said.

"Please, Goku can barely catch a snowball, how's he gonna catch a cold?" Miranda laughed, dodging another snowball by hiding behind a tree.

Despite the fact that there were four intruders upon a separate reality, it seemed that all was well again.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: All right, I'm sure most of you know what I'm going to say here. Now, if you know it, why don't you do it? Ah, and now I'm going to go take a nap. 


	23. Chapter 23: Baka Gokiburi!

Kinnikinnick: Hello everyone! Okay, at this point in time, the story has stopped being divided into chapters, because my beta reader had to go and do real-life stuff.

Technicolor: Hey. Don't blame me. I've been lazy from the start.

Kinnikinnick: Anyway, in this chapter, Gojyo's best intentions end up getting him beaten up and we meet Miranda's stalker.

Technicolor: Which she has in real life. He's super-creepy.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, we met him once. Mainly because he had followed us into the local Wal-Mart. Miranda was trying to hide in a clothes rack.

Technicolor: Hehe. And then she got stuck on the hanger and an employee had to come untangle her because we were laughing too hard to help.

Kinnikinnick: Yes. So. We don't own Saiyuki or Perkins. Or the aforementioned Wal-Mart.

Technicolor: If we were, we'd have a lot more time to be writing.

Kinnikinnick: Or just pay someone else to write it. Oh, and I forgot to write this before! SakuraEmma29, I lurve you!!! And trust me, you're not missing much by not going to college. Half these kids don't even go here, they just show up to get drunk. Oh, my beloved SakuraEmma29, you have no idea how much I glow inside when I see that I have a new review. It makes me feel bad that my updates are going to be slowing down. Stupid lazy beta.

Technicolor: Hey. I'm lazy. Not stupid.

* * *

As the five walked down the street, the sun came out from behind the snow clouds that had been drifting since that morning. Almost in unison, they tilted their faces up towards the warmth, basking in the glow. Until Miranda gasped.

"Oh, shit! Hide me!" she said, ducking behind Sanzo.

"What's going on?" Goku asked.

"That's my stalker. He's been following me around since freshman year," Miranda said, clutching the back of Sanzo's robes and peeking around from behind the slightly taller man. The four turned to look at who Miranda was talking about.

They saw a short boy with bad acne and wavy red hair, who appeared to be anything but threatening.

"Uh… you're afraid of that guy?" Gojyo asked, pointing.

"Don't point! And I'm not afraid. He just freaks me out," Miranda hissed. As they watched, the boy's head turned in their direction.

"Oh no!" Miranda moaned.

"Miranda!" the boy called in a nasally voice.

"Eh. Hi Marvin," Miranda said with a grimace.

"Who are these dorks?" he asked as he drew level with the group.

"Marvin. These are my friends. My very imposing friends. They like to work out. And kill things," Miranda said. Marvin looked the four guys up and down, who were not taking being called 'dorks' very well. Gojyo had actually begun to crack his knuckles.

"They don't look so tough," Marvin said dismissively. Miranda threw an arm up to keep Gojyo from jumping him. Marvin didn't seem to notice.

"Hey, I was wondering if you were busy tonight. Although I thought you had left for the break. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go to ZaZa's with me?" Marvin asked eagerly.

"Well, um, I'm sorry Marvin, but… I can't. I have guests and… I can't," Miranda said.

"What? You gonna hang out with these losers?"

Miranda froze as an arm draped around her shoulders.

"Hey. Why don't you leave my girlfriend alone?" Gojyo said. Miranda felt her face turning red from mortification.

"Hah! Don't make me laugh. Like Miranda would be interested in a Neanderthal like you!"

Miranda stared at her feet. She really needed to get some new shoes…

"Who are you calling a Neanderthal!? And I'll prove it!"

Miranda suddenly felt herself being tilted back, and then she felt lips over hers. She let out a muffled squeak. She pulled her arms up to her chest, feeling completely awkward now. In a few seconds she was righted, and she stared at the ground again, her face feeling so hot, she considered the idea of frying an egg on it, and perhaps some bacon.

Marvin gapped at them, and Gojyo was looking very smug, his arm now around Miranda's waist.

"So… why don't you just go on?"

Marvin huffed and stomped away, muttering to himself. Miranda was still staring at her shoes.

"Baka gokiburi!"

"Ow! What was that for!? I got him to leave!" Gojyo shouted as Sanzo hit him with the fan.

"That's true, but I don't think Miranda appreciated it," Hakkai said gently, pointing at the girl who was now beet red from the tips of her ears to the bottom of her neck, and was still staring at her shoes.

"Oi. Jou-chan. Snap out of it," Gojyo said, snapping his fingers in her face. He jumped back as Miranda's fist flew out towards his face.

"I can't believe you did that!" she shouted, feeling embarrassed beyond belief.

"What!? He left didn't he!? And he probably won't bother you again!" Gojyo shouted.

"Not the point! The point is that that was incredibly embarrassing! Everyone in the common room saw you do that!" Miranda said, pointing at the mostly glass room, where several students in chairs were now staring out at them.

"Ah, don't pretend you didn't like it," Gojyo snickered. His laughter was cut short as Miranda's knee took all the breath out of him when it connected with his groin.

"Pervert," Miranda huffed, stepping over his hunched-over form. Goku started laughing and pointing at Gojyo, apparently unable to find the air needed to add insult to injury. Hakkai covered his mouth, which was mostly definitely turned up into a smile, and Sanzo smirked.

"Shut…up," Gojyo gasped.

* * *

Miranda was still mad when they arrived at Perkins.

"You can order ONE thing!" she said to Goku before he even sat down.

"One?"

"Can I get y'all anything to drink?" asked the waitress.

"Some goddamn coffee," Miranda barked, burying her face in the menu.

"Pardon her. I'll have some tea," Hakkai said.

"I'll have some milk!" Goku said, scanning the menu.

"Water," Gojyo said, sitting gingerly on the chair. He was praying for numbness to set in soon.

"Coffee," Sanzo snapped.

The waitress walked away, leaving them to sit in silence.

"Ne, Sanzo? You think I should get that?" Goku asked, pointing at a picture on his menu.

"What do I care?"

"Ne, Hakkai? What do you think I should get?"

"Probably this… this meal," Hakkai said, pointing.

The four were interrupted when a swarm of tall, well built college boys burst in through the doors of the restaurant.

"Oh good. The football team," Miranda muttered darkly.

"I'm gonna get everything on the second page of the menu!" one of them said loudly.

"Do they ever get quiet?" Hakkai asked.

"No."

"Hell, yes, I banged her!" another guy laughed.

"Will you shut up!" Miranda bellowed, turning around in her chair and whipping the napkin holder at the speaker.

"Ow! Who the hell did that!?" the guy demanded, one hand on his head.

"I did!" Miranda said, standing up so fast that she knocked over her chair. The guy took a step back.

"Uh… never mind," he said, sitting down. The football team dropped their voices to murmurs.

"What was that?" Goku asked.

"I kicked that guy's ass just the other day. He was being an obnoxious drunk, so I wrenched his arm out of his shoulder. Shoulda treated his girlfriend better," Miranda said, diving back into the menu.

After placing their orders, Miranda's mood seemed to improve. Until her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" she said.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?"

Gojyo, Hakkai, Goku and Sanzo all looked up as Miranda jerked the phone away from her ear. The voice on the other line was coming through loud and clear.

"Mom. Mom. MOM! Calm down. I'm sorry, I forgot to call you. Renate and I headed down to Winona. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, we're fine. We just decided to come back because there was nothing to do at home. Yes, I'll be back home for Christmas. Okay. Give my love to dad and the boys. Okay. Bye."

Miranda put the phone on the table and began to massage her ear.

"I think I've gone deaf. Man, can that woman yell," she said, rubbing at her ear. She could still hear a faint ringing noise.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah. Miranda's mom is that scary. Scarier in fact. Although she did buy Miranda a Katana for Christmas, so… Shh, I'm not supposed to tell! Also, for some reason the football team IS afraid of Miranda. We're not quite sure why... Read and review, s'il vous plait.


	24. Chapter 24: Your Concern Is Warming

Kinnikinnick: Welcome back, fair readers! Don't forget I love you… yeah, that was awkward… Anyway, just to clear some things up, the guys have not noticed the girls' change in appearance yet because they are guys. Typical guys. As in they notice NOTHING.

Technicolor: Your boyfriend didn't notice that you got a haircut, did he?

Kinnikinnick: No, he didn't. I'm going to put cyanide in his orange juice. But my day is good because the guy at the Wrap-ables stand gave me a free cookie. Yay cookies! Anyway, this next chapter is one of my favorites. Mainly because I didn't have to fix anything, yippee!

Technicolor: Yeah, and I actually know what's going on. The gang takes a trip to Wal-Mart. Despite it being evil.

Kinnikinnick: But I like taking advantage of children in third world countries. They make cheap socks. Also, for anyone wondering why Miranda took the guys to Perkins: In Winona, which yes, that is where Miranda goes to college (I don't care too much for her personal safety. I will never tell you where I live (I was even hesitant about disclosing my state) but I will tell you the tiny city in which Miranda goes to college…I'm a bad friend) Perkins is a freak magnet. Henceforth, the guys, in all their bizarre Saiyuki-wardrobe glory, would not stand out. Trust me. The last time I was in Perkins, we saw these people dressed up as clowns. And not cool clowns either, but freakish ones.

Technicolors: But we got free pie, so that was good.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, that was good… What is it with people giving us free deserts?

Technicolor: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth! Anyway, remember we don't own Saiyuki, Wal-Mart, Perkins or anything that doesn't fit in the back of Kinnikinnick's van, which is where we live when college is not in session.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, we named my van after a Beatles' song. Which, we don't own them either. But my van is named Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, Lucy for short.

Technicolor: Or, according to our flamingly flamboyant gay friend Jacob (whom we love We love you Jake!) the van is named either 'The Mystery Machine' or 'The Maroon Avenger'.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, and to cover our asses I have to say that we don't own anything from Scooby-Doo either. But if you're ever in Minnesota and see a broken-down maroon 1994 Dodge Caravan, please help us. We are the least mechanically-inclined people ever. I can barely put gas in the thing.

* * *

As the food began to arrive, Miranda's cell phone rang again.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Hey. Where'd you guys go?" came Renate's voice.

"I took the guys to Perkins. Figured that would be the best deal for feeding Goku."

"Oh, okay. Are you guys almost done?"

"Well, the food just arrived, so we probably will be by the time you get here," Miranda told her, looking at Goku's already half-gone plate.

"Okay. I'll be there soon. We have to get the guys some normal clothes. Bye."

"Bye."

Miranda sighed and dove into her pancakes. Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

When Renate pulled up to the restaurant, Hakuryu perched on her shoulder, the five piled into the car.

"Where are we going?" Goku asked.

"Wal-Mart. We have to get you some normal clothes," Renate said.

"But… these are normal clothes," Goku said, looking down at his outfit.

"Not…really," Miranda said, taking Hakuryu off Renate's shoulder and passing him back to Hakkai, "Do you really think it's an okay idea to drive around with a dragon on your shoulder?"

"He's cute. So yes."

Miranda sighed. It was going to be _very_ long day.

* * *

"I think they should stay in the car… they kind of stand out," Miranda said, standing with the door open. They had arrived at Wal-Mart and she and Renate were debating about the wisdom of allowing the guys in the store.

"Who brought them to Perkins?" Renate asked over the top of the car, shouldering her purse.

"Yeah, but its Perkins. Nothing normal ever happens there," Miranda pointed out. Renate sighed.

"We don't know their sizes. They have to come in. It'll be a whole lot easier that way."

"Fine. But we have to lay out some ground rules," Miranda said, poking her head back in the car, "You can come in. But, Sanzo, you have to leave your gun in the car. No fighting. Gojyo, Goku, please don't summon your weapons in there. And just… don't destroy anything. Please."

"Sounds like they've got us pegged," Hakkai chuckled as the four guys unfolded themselves from the back seat.

"Kyu?"

"Sorry, Hakuryu. You have to stay in the car. Which seems very redundant," Renate said, patting the little dragon on the head.

* * *

Inside, Miranda immediately grabbed Goku's collar.

"Whatever you're thinking of running off and doing… No."

"But I haven't even done anything," Goku protested.

"I know, but just remember that word. No."

The group made their way in a surprisingly orderly fashion to the clothing department. Renate was given the job of keeping them in line, while Miranda, the better shopper of the two, started riffling through the clothes rack to try and find clothes that might fit them.

"Here," she said, handing each of the guys a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"Um. Where do we go to try these on?" Hakkai asked.

"Oh. Over there," Renate said, pointing at fitting rooms. The four guys marched over there, each one selecting a fitting room, while Renate and Miranda sat in the chairs provided.

Hakkai was the first one out, wearing fitted black jeans and a green t-shirt.

"You really like sticking with a theme, don't you?" Renate said.

"Hey. What works, works. That looks like it fits, does it feel okay?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, it's wonderful, thank you," Hakkai said politely, disappearing into the changing room. Goku and Gojyo were next.

Gojyo was wearing fitted jeans also, only his were in brown, along with a brown and red print t-shirt.

"How's it fit?" Miranda asked.

"Fine."

Goku was wearing loose-fitting jeans, with reinforced panels in the knees, and a baggy bright yellow t-shirt.

"How's that work for ya?" Renate asked.

"Okay, it feels nice."

"Cool. Ne, Sanzo, hurry up," Miranda called, "Everyone else is done."

"Ch."

Sanzo came out of the fitting room just as the attendant came walking by. She gasped, dropped the tags she had been carrying and turned red. Renate and Miranda had similar reactions.

Sanzo had come out wearing the jeans Miranda had picked out, but had yet to pull on the t-shirt.

"P-put your shirt on!" Renate said. Miranda clapped her hands to her face.

"Ch," Sanzo said again, pulling on the deep purple t-shirt, which clung to him like a second skin.

"Miranda, are you okay?" Hakkai asked.

"M-m-my nose is bleeding," she said, tilting her head forward while pinching her nostrils shut.

"Here's a tissue," Renate said, "And you go change," she shot at Sanzo, who sauntered back into the dressing room.

"What was up with that?" Gojyo asked.

"Nothing! I'm going to the bathroom! I'll meet you at the car!" Miranda cried, darting for the restrooms to try and get her nose to stop bleeding. Renate laughed quietly to herself as she watched her friend's bouncing ponytail disappear into the bathroom.

* * *

When the other five got outside, they found Miranda lying on the hood of the car, one hand still pinching her nose.

"I think it's mostly done," she said, pulling her hand away and examining it for blood.

"Good, because if you bleed in my car, I will drag you out of it and beat you with my ice scraper. And then you can walk home," Renate said.

"Your concern is warming," Miranda drawled sarcastically as they piled back into the car.

"Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna take them back to the dorm, let them change, and then head back home. I think our best chance of getting back is to find the way we got in," Renate said in a rapid-fire manner.

"Uh. Okay."

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Bwahaha! The Sanzo thing is my way of apologizing to Miranda for making her character a moron. She loves Sanzo so much, she's very irritated that all she's gotten so far is a hug. But I refuse to listen to her suggestions, some of which would get me kicked off of Anyway, read and review!

Technicolor: And we love you best, SakuraEmma29!!! We have started a fan club dedicated to you, consisting of me, Kinnikinnick, Renate, Miranda, Jacob, and our friend Alyssa. Kinnikinnick has suggested that we become hackers, find out where you live, visit you, bake you cookies, and then send you presents on a regular basis. However, this motion got shot down just because we're all too lazy to learn how to hack…

Kinnikinnick: And according to Alyssa, it's 'creepy'. Pshaw, whatever. Nah, I'm kidding. Besides, you've already had one stalker, and God knows that one is enough.


	25. Chapter 25: I'm Talented With My Tongue

Kinnikinnick: Okay. Hello again. I have a little story to tell you all. First of all, a bit of advice. If you are going to live in an all-girls dorm full of freshmen, make sure you get a single room. For some reason, when there aren't guys around a LOT of girls turn into the bitchiest people EVER. Anyway, so there I was. My stuff was in the shower stall. I was going to the bathroom before taking my shower. I come out to find that someone has moved all my stuff to the crappy stall (the one lacking hooks with which to hang up your stuff) and someone is using the stall I had previously claimed. Now, I don't get mad. I don't yell at them. No, I step into my shower with dignity. However, before I begin to take my shower, I turn the shower head, crank the handle to 'cold' and spray a stream of freezing water over the divider. Ah, I can still hear the shrieking.

Technicolor: Yeah, you handled that situation with grace.

Kinnikinnick: Well, I could have been violent about it, like I usually am. I like to think that I took the high road on this one.

Technicolor: Right. Anyway, in this chapter, we see who would make the best kisser! No, not in the way you think. You'll find out.

Kinnikinnick: Ooh. Good summary. I love it. We don't own anything. Not Saiyuki. Or maraschino cherries. But we do own hot chocolate.

Addition!

Kinnikinnick: Okay, you lucky readers, you get a second story from me. See, I have this odd habit of wandering around campus at night when I should be sleeping, and between editing this on Word and posting it, I took one of my little walks. As I was returning to my dorm room, I ran into this group of guys. Now, here is what makes this story sad. They were sober and they WEREN'T joking.

Guy 1: What are you doing wandering around this late at night?

Me: I suffer from a mild case of insomnia.

Guy 2: Oh my god, so you're like, crazy?

Guy 1: No, dumbass, it means that she doesn't like small spaces.

Me: Yeah, I don't know how you guys got into college…

Guy 3: Me neither.

Kinnikinnick: So yes. I give them credit for not hitting on me. Although that could be because I was wearing about three hoodies, because I stubbornly refuse to wear my winter jacket until December 5th, so I probably looked like a snow beast, what with my waist-length blond hair flapping out of my hood and the fact I was covered in snow. I love making snow angels.

* * *

Once the guys were changed, Miranda began making hot chocolate for everyone, and unlocked her laptop. She once again retreated to her corner.

"What are you doing?" Renate asked.

"Searching fanfics. I'm gonna figure out who the hell is doing this," Miranda muttered, clacking away on the keys.

"Okay, don't get distracted," Renate said, taking the first cup of hot chocolate out of the microwave. When she saw that Miranda wasn't going to keep making hot chocolate, she sighed and set about doing it herself, Hakuryu perched on her shoulder.

The guys settled themselves on the floor, and Goku turned on the TV. They seemed fascinated by the weather reports.

"Uh-oh. Looks like we're gonna get a blizzard," Renate said, "Miranda?"

She looked over at her friend, to see that she had gone bright pink again.

"Miranda?"

"Goddammit, Sanzo and Goku are NOT a pairing!" Miranda shouted. Then she looked up, as if she had forgotten everyone else was there.

"What was that?" Sanzo growled.

"Nothing! Nothing! Go about your…" Miranda trailed off, staring at something on the screen. A grin crept onto her face.

"What?" asked Renate, walking over and pulling the screen back a little so she could see, "Oh… Oh my."

"What?" Goku asked, heading over.

"Nothing!" both girls shouted as Miranda snapped the laptop shut again, not opening it until Goku was back sitting on the floor, watching the weather.

"What the hell was that?" Renate hissed, feeling her own face going red at the memory of the picture.

"It… was a posting on one of the Saiyuki groups. That…was thoroughly satisfying."

"You're so gross!"

"I'm sorry, but…damn," Miranda said, grinning as she brought the picture back up, "Yes, it would make a good Valentine's Day present."

"Well, if we can keep them until February, I think I can arrange that," Renate whispered with a devious smile. Miranda couldn't manage a reply, and the only sign that she had heard Renate was that the tips of her ears had turned red.

"Anyway, get back to searching. It has to be there somewhere. And it looks like we might be here for another day. The forecast is calling for a blizzard."

Miranda nodded and went back to clacking furiously on the keyboard.

"If you two could stop being weird for five seconds and tell us what is so damn amusing about that machine," Sanzo growled. Miranda and Renate stared at him, and then looked at each other. They seemed to be having a whole conversation without talking.

"I hate when girls do that whole talking-with-their-eyes thing," Gojyo said. Finally, the girls turned back towards the group.

"Hakkai can see. The rest of you can't," Renate announced.

"Why does Hakkai get to see and we don't?" Goku whined.

"Because Hakkai is reasonable. Miranda, why don't you do this out in the hallway," Renate suggested. Miranda nodded.

"Come on, Hakkai."

* * *

Hakkai followed her out into the hallway. The other three in the room listened intently, while Renate made more hot chocolate as loud as she could.

"Okay, remember, this is a different world from yours," they heard Miranda warning Hakkai.

"This is fanfiction. Its stories that fans of different stuff write, pretty much altering reality as they see fit," Miranda explained. They heard keys clacking.

"What does that mean?" Hakkai asked.

"Uhh…" Miranda said nervously. They heard her whispering, and then…

"What?" Hakkai said in a bizarrely calm voice.

"Yeah. I know. Anyway, this… this is art work done by fans. And this…" Miranda trailed off, laughing too hard to continue.

"Oh my."

Renate started laughing, almost spilling hot chocolate on herself.

"Did you show him the Valentine's Day picture?" she called.

"Yes!" came the reply, "Oh! I think I'm going to show him the 'Discrepancies' strip!"

The only noise came from more clacking of keys, and then a gasp from Hakkai.

"I… I think I have to pull my eye out again," Hakkai said as he and Miranda came back into the room. Miranda almost fell over laughing, and Renate had to clutch the desk for support.

"I…I can't breathe!" Miranda said, rolling on the floor and clutching her laptop to her chest, tears of laughter streaking down her cheeks.

"What is so goddamn funny?" Sanzo demanded. Gojyo and Goku also looked a little ruffled. Hakkai held up his hands.

"Trust me, Sanzo. You don't want to know."

* * *

Miranda got over her laughing fit and went to sit in the corner again, this time pulling her glasses out and perching them on her nose as she squinted at the screen.

"Find anything yet?" Renate asked, settling down on the floor next to the guys.

"No… maybe they haven't posted it yet?"

"But… who would write a fic and not post it? I mean… we've done a bunch of stuff. Would they really just hoard this story like that?"

Miranda only shrugged.

"Far be it for me to dissect the mind of a fanfic author. It's a dangerous place. Anyway, I'm bored. Hey! I has an idea! Pull that jar of maraschino cherries out of the fridge for me, will ya?" she asked, a strange gleam coming into her eyes. As Renate dug out the jar, Miranda closed and locked her laptop, then went into her closet and got out some paper cups.

"Here. What do you want it for?"

"You'll see," Miranda said, spooning a couple cherries into each cup. The guys had turned away from the TV to watch.

"Everyone take a cup, and eat the cherries, but don't do anything with the stems," she instructed, taking a seat on the floor with her own cup. She waited until everyone was seated again and had eaten their cherries.

"Okay. Now we're going to see who can tie the stem into knot," she said, a wicked grin on her face, "Gojyo, you go first." Gojyo smirked.

"All the ladies know I'm talented with my tongue," he said, throwing a stem into his mouth. The group waited. Minutes passed. They could see Gojyo working furiously with his tongue, trying to maneuver the stem in his mouth. Finally, he spit a poorly formed knot into his hands. Everyone grinned.

"Aw, shut up," Gojyo said as a preemptive measure.

"H'okay. Goku, you're next," Renate said, pointing at the monkey. Goku said nothing, but popped the stem into his mouth. It definitely takes less time than Gojyo, but it still seems to take forever until the boy is spitting out a fairly decent, but loose, knot.

"Not bad. Sanzo?"

"Ch. This is stupid," Sanzo said, putting the stem in his mouth anyway.

Again, seconds seem to roll by slowly. When Sanzo spits out the knot, however, it's the best looking one so far, and he did it faster than both Gojyo and Goku. Miranda and Renate laugh, and Sanzo seems annoyed at his own skill.

"Okay, okay, Hakkai, you go," Miranda said, wiping tears from her eyes. Hakkai put the stem in his mouth, and almost immediately pulled it out again.

"That was fast!" Renate said, taking the knot from Hakkai's palm. The two girls examined it.

"There aren't even any spaces!" Miranda says, giving Renate a look that clearly says 'Who'da thunk?'

Renate put her stem in her mouth without any prompting. It came out after awhile looking almost like Goku's, probably a little better.

"Not bad, jou-chan," Gojyo said with his own wicked grin.

"Yeah, all our competitions have you getting better at this," Miranda said. She popped in her stem. About five seconds later, she pulled it out.

"Hey! You've been practicing on your own! And you made sure to get a long one," Renate accused. Miranda only grinned, holding the stem up for everyone's inspection. The stem, indeed longer than normal, has been tied into three knots.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Wow. I think this is longest chapter I've posted… So you should reward me with a review!

Technicolor: You are SUCH a review whore.

Kinnikinnick: Damn straight. Oh, and the pictures we mention? They exist. Search for them on deviantart if you're brave.


	26. Chapter 26: Rest In Peace Jared

Kinnikinnick: Okay everyone. I just want to let you know about two things. The first is that I will be studying for finals all this next week. So, I probably will update when I get bored with studying, but they won't be nearly as often. Second of all…

Jared Stene, student body present and all around kick-ass friend passed away recently. This chapter is dedicated to Jared, his love of Tater-tot Hotdish ("Not casserole! Hotdish!"), his idea that our library looked more like a castle and we should use it as a base to take over the administration and conduct raids, and his mastery of Photoshop. Jared, this one's for you.

Technicolor: Rest is peace, Jared. We'll miss you, and your struggle for lower tuition and your investigation into why textbooks are costing so much. You saved me hundreds of dollars.

Kinnikinnick: Yes. So, if I seem a little off lately… that's why.

* * *

"Okay. That kept us occupied for all of five minutes," Renate sighed, flopping back on the small area rug, "Now what?"

"We could go bowling. The weather's only really bad on the interstate and freeways. We can still do a trip across town," Miranda pointed out.

"Bowling?" asked Hakkai, looking puzzled.

The girls exchanged incredulous glances.

"You don't know what bowling is?" Miranda asked. The guys shook their heads.

"We must enlighten them."

* * *

"Maybe this was a bad idea," Miranda shouted over the roar of the wind. She had rolled down the window to reach out and flick snow off the wiper.

"Meh. It's bowling. It's always a good idea," Renate replied, squinting to see out the partially-fogged, partially-iced windshield.

"If we die, I blame you," Sanzo said from the back. He shifted to try and get more comfortable, and only succeeded in squishing Goku even more, and getting himself wedge further into the door. There were various murmurs of dissent from the back, and Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation, expecting a full-blown argument shortly. However, Renate acted before that happens.

"Shut up," she said in an eerily quiet voice, poking the blade of her ice scraper into the backseat. Miranda waited until the mumbling had died down before she wrenched the ice scraper away from her friend and leaned out the window, trying to chip off some of the ice. However, she was suddenly thrown into the door frame as the car began to skid on a patch of ice and she felt herself being yanked back into the car.

"Buckle back up!" Renate shouted. Miranda tried to fasten the belt in spite of the fact that the car was veering wildly. She finally clicked it as the car tilted to the right, on two wheels, spinning around to face oncoming traffic. Honking horns and bright lights were the only indication that they were facing the wrong way, because everything else is white. With a mighty effort, Renate jerked the wheel, pulling the small car off to one side of the road. Then everything was silent. Renate surveyed her riders. Miranda had turned white as a sheet and had a death grip on the dashboard. She also seemed to be shaking uncontrollably. Goku had wrapped his arms around Sanzo, staring forward at the windshield. Sanzo hadn't even noticed Goku wrapped around his shoulders. He was gripping the door handle with one hand and the above-head handle with the other. Gojyo had latched onto both Hakkai and Goku, one hand gripped in the fabric of each guy's shirt. Hakkai looked calm outwardly, but his knuckles had turned white from the grip he is keeping on the back of the passenger seat. Hakuryu is out of her field of vision, but Renate guessed he is somewhere on the floor of the backseat, shielded from potential danger by Hakkai's legs.

"Is everyone okay?" Renate asked. Miranda's pale suddenly tinges green.

"No!" she cried, lurching out of the car. The sounds of violent retching reach the other occupants of the car.

"How…how about everyone else?" Renate asked. She is surprised to find that her own hands, once freed of their grip on the steering wheel, are shaking.

"We're fine," Hakkai calls out, "Are you?"

"I'm… I'm fine," Renate said faintly, feeling a little sick herself. She had had close calls when driving before, but never one as terrifying and disorienting as that one. Hands much larger than hers suddenly folded over the shaking extremities.

"Take a deep breath," Hakkai said, his emerald eyes staring into her yellow ones. Renate takes a shaky breath, and then another. Her hands slowly stop shaking, aided by the warmth of Hakkai's hands.

"Okay. Try and keep breathing like that. I'm going to check on Miranda."

Renate nodded and tilted her head back. Not long after, Miranda is being helped back into the car by Hakkai.

"I didn't need that much help. I puked, I didn't get a gut wound or anything," Miranda said, trying to keep the trembles out of her voice. She still feels queasy, but as she doesn't have anything left to throw up, she fights back the dry heaves and tries to calm herself.

"Maybe we should go home," Goku said in an unsteady voice, after Sanzo had pushed him away with a gently muttered 'Baka saru', said more for posterity than out of true feeling.

"No… we're closer… to the bowling alley," Miranda gasped between dry heaves. Renate nodded.

"Yeah, we have a better chance of getting there."


	27. Chapter 27: Boddammit

Kinnikinnick: Omygoodness, hi guys! Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I've been going through some stuff that sorta sucked and I've been studying for finals. So… le sigh.

Technicolor: We still love you, Kinnikinnick. It's otay.

Kinnikinnick: Yes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Shonen-ai-ish stuff happens, purely because I felt like tormenting the real-life Miranda. Bwahahaha.

Technicolor: She's going to be SO mad. Don't forget, you have to see her at Christmas.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, the whole thing with her being my cousin kind of puts a damper on toying with her. Dammit, I just admitted to being related to her, didn't I?

Technicolor: Yes, you did, and I'm sure that clarifies plenty for our readers. Remember guys, we don't own Saiyuki or bowling or anything that isn't in our dorm rooms right now.

* * *

When they finally arrived at the bowling alley, the six rushed into the building, shivering and brushing snow off each other. As Renate stomped snow off her shoes, telling the guys to do the same, Miranda went to go rent shoes, guessing at the guys' sizes.

"And can I also get three orders of cheese fries?" Miranda asked as she gathered the shoes into her arms. The cashier stared at her, but nodded, scrawling the order down as Miranda pulled out a wad of cash to pay.

"Here. Put these on, and then find a ball you like," Miranda said. The guys looked puzzled.

"Ball?" Goku asked. Miranda waved her arms, indicating the rows of well-worn bowling balls lined against the wall.

"Find one that is a good weight and fits your fingers," Renate said, leaning over the computer to begin entering their names. Still looking puzzled, the guys followed Miranda as she picked out her own ball, placing it in the ball return. She takes over for Renate on the computer to allow her friend to choose a ball.

When all six have picked their bowling implements, they assemble loosely around the computer.

"Okay, here are the rules. You want to knock down all those pins using the ball. It has to roll along the ground. You can't cross this black line. Everybody gets to go twice in a row. Fairly simple. Renate and I will go first, so you can see what to do. Watch the screen up there to see if it's your turn," Miranda told them.

Renate stepped up onto the slightly-raised alley way, her ball at the ready. She took a deep breath, and bowled.

"Ooh, can you pick up the split?" Miranda asked.

"Hell yes," Renate said, leaning on the ball return, waiting for her bowling ball to come back. She went again, but only picked up the one pin.

"My turn!" Miranda shouted, skipping over to get her ball. Her first was a gutter ball, her second only hit two pins.

"Way to show them how it's done," Renate teased. Miranda shrugged. The game progressed in a predictable manner. Hakkai proved to have incredible accuracy, although he was confused about why he only got one turn when he managed to knock all the pins down. Miranda explained she sort of skipped that part because she didn't think they'd have too many strikes. Goku did pretty good, mostly just using brute force. Gojyo was horrible, throwing plenty of gutter balls. Renate got mostly spares and strikes. Sanzo had to be coerced to participate at first, but when he figured out he could give Renate and Hakkai a run for their money, he 'gave in' without much grumbling. Miranda mostly competed with Goku, improving after her disasterous first turn. Things were going well.

And then disaster struck.

Goku went up to take his turn. As he threw, he accidentally slid over the black line, getting grease all over the bottom of his already slippery bowling shoes. As he turned back, getting out of the way so Sanzo could take his turn, he slipped. Out of reflex, Sanzo went to catch him, but his shoes were slippery too. As they fell, their faces crashed together, and for a split second, their lips met.

"Ow! Goddamn baka saru!" Sanzo said, a hand over his split lip. Goku was massaging his teeth. Both men were bright pink. Gojyo started laughing.

"Shut up!" Goku screamed at him. Hakkai looked half shocked, half like he wanted to laugh. Renate ducked behind the computer, trying to hide her laughter. Miranda, however, was having a different reaction.

"Bod-dabbit," Miranda muttered as blood started coursing down her face.

"How does that give you a nose bleed?" Renate asked incredulously, tilting Miranda's head forward. Miranda pinched her nostrils shut again.

"I'm an otaku. It's an in-gwound rea-shun," Miranda said, almost incomprehensible.

"Jesus," Renate muttered as blood spurted from between Miranda's fingers. She grabbed a pile of napkins off the table and pressed them into Miranda's face.

"Stop, I've bot it," Miranda said, her voice a little clearer. She grabbed the napkins away and pressed them onto her nose.

"This dry weather isn't helping, I bet," Renate said. She watched as Miranda pulled the napkin away from her nose, and more blood gushed out.

"It's not stopping. I feel sick," Miranda said.

"Go lay down on the bench," Renate instructed in a voice that brooked no argument.

"Oday," Miranda muttered, not in the mood to argue anyway. It felt to her like her entire supply of blood was rushing from her nose into the napkins. Concerned by the blood on the floor, at which Renate was scrubbing with another napkin, and trying to ignore the fight which Goku, Gojyo and Sanzo were engaged in, Hakkai walked over.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Miranda got another nose bleed," Renate said, settling back on her heels to look up at the much taller man. Hakkai looked over at the prone form on the bench, whose face was mostly obscured by the brown recycled napkins.

"Oh. Maybe I can help," he said, going and bending over Miranda. Renate followed.

"Ged da heww away fwom me," Miranda said, but there was no feeling in her words. She looked pale as a sheet, and her shirt had plenty of blood stains from the initial burst of blood.

"Holy crap, what are we going to do with you? You're pathetic. I remind you that if you get blood in my car I kill you," Renate said, her hands on her hips.

"Again, youw concewn is wawming."

Hakkai put his hand over Miranda's nose.

"Whad awe you doing?"

"Fixing it," he said simply. A glow appeared underneath his hand. As Renate watched, some of Miranda's color returned, and the flow of blood slowed almost to a stop. She gave a sigh of relief.

"Thanks for that," she said to Hakkai. He smiled.

"It was my pleasure."

For a moment, Renate could only stare into his hypnotic green eyes, ignoring the part of her brain that was screaming to look the hell away. She could feel a blush to rival one of Miranda's starting to spread.

She was startled out of her revere by the sound of gunshots.

"BAKA, URASAI!"

"Time to leave!" Renate shouted, grabbing Miranda and Hakkai.

"But… the cheese fries aren't done!"

* * *

Baka – Stupid/Idiot

Urasai – Shut up

Kinnikinnick: Bwahaha! Read and review.


	28. Chapter 28: Little Ceasar's

Kinnikinnick: Okay, hey guys. I am rewarding you for being so patient and understanding by doing a double update (and perhaps a triple-update?). Mainly because I cannot stand to look at my books for any longer. I think I'm going cross-eyed.

Technicolor: Well, you've been studying for about four days straight on an overall total of ten hours sleep over those days.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah. Look, bubbles…

Technicolor: Maybe you should take a nap…

Kinnikinnick: No, I just need some coffee. Or Mountain Dew. Or a straight shot of caffeine to my brain. I can't afford to stop studying!

Technicolor: Hoooo-kaaaay… Anyway, in this chapter, the girls realize how much they really love having the guys around. It's sweet moment.

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, and we don't own nuffin'. Not Saiyuki, not Mountain Dew (yet) and not Little Ceasar's, which is the best damn pizza EVER.

* * *

Piled back in the car, Miranda sat with her arms crossed. Renate had given Hakkai the front seat, and she told Miranda if she whined she'd give her another nosebleed.

"How do you ruin bowling?" she demanded of the three men squished in next to her.

"Gojyo started it!" Goku pouted.

"I did not, you stupid monkey, you got mad at me for laughing!"

"You were laughing at me and Sanzo 'cause we fell over," Goku shot back.

"No, I was laughing because you and the shitty monk had a make out session!" Gojyo laughed. Silence fell as the group heard a gun cocking. Gojyo tried to wiggle around to the other side of Miranda.

"Don't you dare hide behind me!" Miranda shouted as Gojyo elbowed her in the face.

"If you fire that gun in my car, I will give you a slow and painful death!" Renate shouted into the back.

"Ch," Sanzo said, tucking the gun back into his waistband. Suddenly he had his harisan in his hand.

"Where the hell were you keeping that!?" Gojyo shouted, still hiding behind Miranda.

"I'd… actually like an answer to that, too," Miranda said, looking more perplexed than angry now. Sanzo made no reply.

"Shitty monk," Gojyo said. Sanzo started trying to reach around Miranda to hit the kappa.

"Ow! Goddamn, give me that! I'll do it," she said, jerking the fan away from Sanzo and turning to start beating on Gojyo.

"Ow! Ow! OW! You hit harder than the goddamn monk!" Gojyo shouted, pressing himself into the door.

"Yes, goddamn it, because I have _had_ it!"

"SHUT UP!" Renate bellowed. Everyone in the backseat froze. Hakkai was shaking with silent laughter in the front seat.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to put those four in the back," he chuckled. Renate grunted in agreement.

"Damn if I'm not starting to be fond of this, though."

Back at the dorm room again, Miranda decided that it was time to take a nap, leaving the other five to their own devices. Renate unlocked her laptop and began to tap away at the keys. Goku turned on the TV and began channel surfing. Hakkai was fashioning a sort of scarf for Hakuryu out of Miranda's knitting supplies. Gojyo and Sanzo sat around the bookshelf, paging through various books, each eventually settling on one.

Renate looked up from the computer and she was struck by how right all of this felt. Miranda's arm dangling off the side of the loft bed was almost brushing Hakkai's head as he sat in a chair, knitting away, occasionally stopping to pet Hakuryu, who was curled up in his sash. Hakkai's one outstretched leg was almost touching Goku, who was sprawled in front of the TV, his head propped up on a pillow, already half-asleep. His sprawled position left him very close to Sanzo, hunched over a thick book from Miranda's book shelf. In his position, his feet were almost touching Gojyo, who was lying on his stomach, reading a comic book. Renate smiled as she saw these things, how close all of them were to being interconnected. The snow falling gently outside the window only added a cozy glow to the whole thing. Snapping the laptop shut, she grabbed a blanket and went to sit next to Goku in front of the TV.

As the evening wore on, Miranda eventually awoke, and Goku took over the bed. Hakkai finished the scarf and started working on little ear muffs. Sanzo fell asleep propped up next to the bookshelf, the book falling out of his hands with a muffled bang. Renate pulled over one of Miranda's chairs and perched on it while watching TV, while Miranda settled herself on the floor in front of her. Gojyo started shuffling Miranda's worn pack of playing cards, getting them ready for a good game of solitaire.

Miranda also noticed the little connections, although their positions had changed, and sighed contentedly. She wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. As she and Renate watched TV, surveying the guys from the corners of their eyes, they noticed that Gojyo was soon asleep too. Not long after, Hakkai fell asleep in the chair, his knitting needles still clicking sporadically.

As quietly as she could, Miranda started covering the four with blankets, knowing how cold it would get in the dorm room. Renate joined her, pulling Hakkai off the chair and onto the floor, knowing he would wake up stiff if he slept in the chair.

"What now?" Miranda whispered, turning off the TV.

"Well, they haven't had dinner yet. We could go get them something," Renate said.

"We could go to Little Ceasar's, pick something up," Miranda said.

"Okay," Renate said. The two girls bundled up, locking the door as they stepped out into the hall.

"Let's walk. It's not that far, and it's a good night for it," Miranda suggested. Renate waited until they got outside to reply, weighing how cold it was against the fact that she had been driving a lot lately.

"Okay."

The girls took off down the sidewalk, walking and chatting as if they hadn't been thrown into another world full of demons and danger, as if they were nothing more than two college students going for a stroll.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: Aw. Nice, isn't it? Read and review! 


	29. Author's Note: An Interlude

Kinnikinnick: Ohmygoodness guys, this story is up to 532 hits! I'm shedding tears of gratitude, perhaps with a little exhaustion mixed in.

Okay, just so you know, this is purely an author's note. I deeply apologize to my faithful readers. It is finals week. I have spent the last few nights pulling all-nighters in our Commons, desperately trying to cram information on how the media affects politics into my skull… I've basically been living out of this booth. I've been taking naps in it, eating in it, posting a guard over it when I have to leave to go to the bathroom or shower… you get the idea. Good seating is hard to come by during finals.

Anyway, I promise you, as soon as finals are over, you shall be rewarded with some shiny new chapters. I must once again thank SakuraEmma29 for sticking with us and reviewing faithfully! I'd say something better, but I'm barely coherent…

So, I once again offer my apologies. I might have been able to get some chapters up, but my love life took a horrendous turn and Technicolor got herself sick. And then I got myself sick when I went sledding on a stolen lunch tray. You are NEVER too old to do that… So, life has been one big mess…

So, I'm going to post this, finish studying for the night, and then go curl up in my room and cry. Yup. Sounds good to me.


	30. Chapter 29: Don't Eat That!

Kinnikinnick: Oh. My. Goodness. Hello my dears! Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I haven't posted anything in FOREVER. See, first, I was trying to study for finals. And then I went home and found out that something had happened to my checking account, so I had to go and figure that out. And then my boy was being stupid. And THEN I spilled water on my laptop, and I was too scared to turn it on. And then I got in a car accident. So. Sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I've been busy.

Technicolor: Yeah, trouble seems to stalk you.

Kinnikinnick: Just a little. Oh, and TC was either sick or wrapped around her boyfriend during that whole time.

Technicolor: I will get you for that.

Kinnikinnick: Oh. And the fact that I had to spend Christmas trying to sooth Miranda's ruffled feathers. She's worried that she'll meet someone who has read the story and they'll laugh at her.

Technicolor: We told her that Kinnikinnick isn't popular enough for that to happen.

Kinnikinnick: Shuddap. Anywhoot, we don't own Saiyuki, pizza or 'The Producers'.

* * *

When Goku awoke, this first thing he noticed was how quiet it was. It was probably this disconcerting silence that caused him to jerk from his sleep. The second thing was that the only light in the room was coming from the window, through which a streetlight was shining, making the falling snow gleam like diamonds.

With a yawn, Goku climbed out of the loft bed and went to stand by the window, carefully stepping over his sleeping companions. The snow was beautiful, falling in the deserted street. Not a car or person was in sight.

Or so Goku thought, until he saw two very familiar figures walking down the abandoned sidewalk. He could see that they both had stacks of pizza boxes in their arms, and as he watched, they chatted excitedly over the tops of the towering cardboard containers. He laughed as he saw one of the figures do a jig, sending powdery snow flying in waves.

"What are you doing?"

Goku jumped.

"Ah! Oh, Sanzo, I didn't know you were awake. I'm just watching out the window. Miranda and Renate are coming back, and I think they have food!"

"Ch," Sanzo said, coming to stand next to the boy by the window. They both watched as Miranda and Renate set the boxes on a bench and nailed each other with snowballs. Although they couldn't hear it, they saw that they were laughing and screaming. Goku laughed again as Miranda stuffed a handful of snow down Renate's back, causing the older girl to jump, and then turn a snowy wrath upon Miranda. After a few more moments, the pizza boxes were picked up again, and the now soaking wet girls continued towards the dorm.

Goku turned away from the window, content that his food was on its way now, flipping on the TV and immediately turning the volume almost all the way down out of consideration for his still sleeping companions. Sanzo lingered at the window, watching the two blonds. He smirked at how different they are. One has lighter hair than his, the other darker, almost a red-blond. One is a violent scold, but maternal in her actions. The other boisterous, but still a worrier. The juxtaposition of not only their own individual personalities, but the personalities against each other's was almost a study in bewilderment. One is tall and athletic, the other slightly shorter and curvy. Both have strength in more ways than one.

Surprised and a little irritated at his own insights, Sanzo turned away from the window as the girls charge up the stairs to the entryway of the building. It wasn't long before the lock turned, and the two girls burst into the room.

"Oh, good, you two are awake," Miranda said breathlessly, setting the pizza boxes down on a chair. She began to wrestle with the scarf she had wrapped around her neck, which had somehow knotted itself at some point in time.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Renate remarked, calmly unwinding her own scarf and placing it on a hanger, along with her own coat. A muffled 'whump' from Miranda toppling over only confirmed this statement.

"How did you guys sleep?" Miranda asked from her position on the floor, beginning to gnaw on the stubborn scarf.

"Don't eat that! Let me do it!" Renate said, untangling the scarf.

"Fine," Goku said with a laugh. Sanzo said nothing, allowing Goku to speak for both of them. Without any further ado, Goku popped open one of the boxes and began devouring pizza. Renate struggled to free Miranda from her outerwear.

"I think the buttons have frozen shut!" Miranda said as Renate tried to pry the coat off.

"Is that even possible?" Renate said through gritted teeth. Finally, she just decided to yank the coat off over Miranda's head.

"OW! My hair's caught!" Miranda shouted, still half encased in the jacket. Sanzo helped himself to a slice of pizza, and he and Goku munched while watching the fascinating show before them.

"Hold still. I'll get the scissors," Renate grunted, only half joking.

"Don't you dare!"

"Let me help," Hakkai said. He had been woken up when Miranda fell over, but had remained on the floor, hoping to fall back asleep. As the fight with Miranda's coat progressed, however, he had discovered it was nearly impossible.

"Here," Renate said in a frustrated tone, turning Miranda to face him. It was a comical sight, with her arms trapped above her head by the coat, half her hair spilling down her back, the other half caught in the buttons on the jacket. With a good wrench, Hakkai yanked the jacket open, freeing both Miranda and her hair.

"Air!" Miranda said, laughing now that she was free of her coat. Renate shook her head, taking the coat and going to hang it up.

"Thanks Hakkai. Who the hell designs a winter jacket with buttons that freeze!?" Miranda said.

"Who the hell is stupid enough to get tangled in their own scarf!?" Renate shot back as she emerged from the closet

"Quick darling! Back in the closet!" Miranda cried, dragging Renate back inside it. Both girls laughed, even as Renate punched Miranda in the arm.

"Anyway…" Renate says after locking Miranda in the closet, from which issues a series of muffled 'Hey! Let me out!' and 'Not funny's.

"Anyway…?" Hakkai repeats.

"We're planning on leaving sometime around noon tomorrow. The roads should have cleared up by then. We're going to try and get back to your world using the original portal," Renate says, plunking down in the chair that Hakkai had originally been sleeping in and grabbing a slice of pizza.

"That sounds reasonable," Hakkai says, sliding a piece of pizza onto a spare napkin and seating himself on the floor next to Goku, who has turned back to the TV. The four eat pizza in contented silence, Renate returning to Miranda's laptop. After about an hour, Hakkai suddenly turns.

"Shouldn't we let Miranda out of her closet?" he asks.

"Oh! I forgot!" Renate said, listening. There is no noise coming from the closet. Renate worriedly opened the door, only to sigh in disgust. The three conscious guys scoot over to see.

Miranda is sitting in the middle of the floor, an empty box labeled 'Army of Minions' on its side next to her. Rubber ducks of all sorts sit ranged about her, in a parody of two armies facing each other, some in a jumble off to one side.

"What are you doing?" Renate asked in an irritated voice.

"Napoleon's attempted invasion of Russia. These are the Russians, retreating and burning the towns. These are the French, and they're just starting to figure out that this was a bad idea. And these are the French that have already died from exposure and starvation," Miranda said, pointing at the different groups of ducks.

"Put those away and get out here, you freak," Renate sighs. Miranda begins to pile the ducks back into the box and shoves it back on a shelf.

"What's with the ducks?" Goku asks, never having seen such a large variety of rubber ducks.

"I collect them. They are my minions. They do my bidding!" Miranda said, trying to catch a stray sting of cheese from the piece of pizza she had grabbed. The action along with the statement painted an insane picture.

"What now? I don't feel tired. I feel spastic. What should we do?" Miranda said around a mouthful of pizza. Renate shrugs.

"We could just go romping around campus. Isn't that what you always do?"

"Yeah…but now I just feel exhausted…what is up with this? This is weird…" Miranda muttered, putting down her half-eaten slice of pizza and crawling into her loft bed. She pulled the covers up over her head and in a few seconds the rest of the group heard the slow sounds of deep breathing.

"She's not really asleep already…is she?" Goku asked, standing on one of the rungs to see better.

"No… Miranda?" Renate asked, shaking her friend's foot. A slight moan came from under the covers and the foot was pulled slowly away.

"Holy crap, she is," Renate said, looking bewildered. Miranda usually tossed and turned for a good twenty minutes trying to get comfortable.

"Uh… this is weird," Goku said, poking Miranda in the thigh. Another irritated moan came from under the covers.

"Let her sleep," Hakkai said, "She's obviously tired."

"Meh. Me too," Renate said, yawning. Pretty soon, she was curled up around a pillow on the floor. Not long after, the guys were also asleep, mostly just out of boredom.


	31. Chapter 30: I FEED!

Kinnikinnick: As further apology, here is another chapter.

Technicolor: During which the group gets sidetracked. Yet again.

Kinnikinnick: They're really good at it, I'll tell you that much. Anyway, this will probably be that last update for today, as I am very, very, very tired. And I lack Mountain Dew. I have exactly FOUR quarters, and the machine here requires FIVE. STUPID SCHOOL!

* * *

"Bored," Miranda grunted over the music.

"Bored," echoed Goku from the backseat, his arms draped over the passenger chair.

"Bored," Miranda said again, a grin creeping onto her face.

"Bored," Goku chanted back.

"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, boredboredboredboredbored," the two began to sing in unison, a similar tune to their 'hungry' song.

"SHUT UP!" Renate screamed as Sanzo began to hit the two with his fan.

"Ah! Ow! Itaiiiiiii!"

"Be quiet, dammit!" Sanzo shouted.

"Well, we have been in this car for quite some time," Hakkai pointed out, "Perhaps a break to stretch our legs?"

Renate knew he had a point. The six had loaded into Renate's car with the intention of heading back to the Caribou in their town in the hopes of finding a way back. They had been driving for about an hour and a half, with little, save for Renate's music, to break the monotony. The Minnesota scenery did not offer much in the way of entertainment.

"Cow," Miranda sighed, spotting yet another bovine.

"Moo," Renate replied, as was their custom, "And I'll pull over as soon as I find a gas station or something."

"Cow," Miranda said again.

"Moo."

"Oh! Llama!" Miranda exclaimed.

"Actually, I think that's an alpaca. And I have no idea what sound they make," Renate said.

"Probably something like 'meeeeeeeeeh'," Miranda bleated.

"Good God, you're a freak."

At that moment, Renate had spotted a Kwik Trip on the other side of the highway, and decided she could not be trapped in the car with her psychotic friends any longer. Without any warning, she whipped the car around and bounced it through the grass divider alongside the highway. With a screech, she came to a halt in the parking lot.

"Get out," she barked.

"Freedom!" Miranda cried, throwing open her door and falling flat on the ground.

"Get off the ground!" Renate shouted, kicking Miranda.

"Ow! I'm hungry!"

"Me too!" Goku chimed in.

"And I want some beer," Gojyo said.

"Refreshments would be nice," Hakkai said. Renate sighed and rubbed her temple.

"Follow Miranda for food," Renate said. Miranda, taking that as a sign, darted towards the Kwik Trip.

"I FEED!" she shouted, and promptly smacked into the glass door when it failed to open, despite her pulling on the handle.

"It says 'Push' you moron!"

* * *

After Goku and Miranda had been sated, and the rest had managed to eat something, they decided to take a walk around the Kwik Trip in an effort to burn off some energy. The Sanzo-ikkou wasn't used to traveling without fights to break up the monotony.

"Look! Something shiny!" Miranda cried. She and Goku made an effort to dart across the highway towards a shimmering objects on the other side. Renate and Sanzo grabbed their respective morons.

"No!" Renate shouted, pulling back against Miranda's greater strength.

"Baka saru!" Sanzo said, lifting Goku into the air.

"But…shiny…" Miranda said in despair, looking longingly at the sparkling object.

"Don't even think about it, just keep walking," Renate commanded, pushing Miranda in front of her.

Miranda grumbled, but kept moving.

Pretty soon, the six were piled back into the car. It had been determined that Goku, being the smallest, would take up residence in the front seat so as to make things more comfortable for those in the back. He was currently squished down in front of Miranda, his head bobbling just above the dashboard.

"I can't feel my feet," Miranda commented quietly, trying not to incur anyone's wrath.

"Well I can't feel much of anything," Goku grumbled back. Miranda sighed and leaned forward, placing her arms on top of Goku's head.

"Mmm…you're cuddly," Miranda said, rubbing her cheek against Goku's hair.

"Erm…what are you doing?" Goku asked.

"Cuddling. I've been woefully short on cuddles lately, and you're going to shut up and bear with it, goddammit," Miranda told him.

"Miranda…what are you doing?" Renate asked, half afraid of the answer.

"Cuddling!"

"Wait…don't you have a boyfriend?" Renate asked. Miranda sniffed.

"He's so far away… Besides, in Saiyuki land, I am not in a relationship. And you know that I whither without cuddles."

"'Whither?' Good God, you're losing it," Renate muttered.

"Yeah…hey look, toucan!" Miranda pointed at the billboard.

"Oh! Let's go to the casino!" Renate shouted, suddenly taking the nearest exit ramp.

"Ah…Renate…Is this really the best time to be taking a side trip?" Hakkai asked, leaning over the seat. Both girls turned and glared at him, Miranda still clutching Goku's skull.

"It's the casino," Renate said.

"It's always good to go there. Besides, it's the least we can do after Renate's people raped my people's culture," Miranda said.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm Native American too!" Renate said.

"Yeah, but there's no one else to blame right now."

"Does anyone else find it difficult to understand them most of the time?" Gojyo asked, looking back and forth between the two girls.

"No…no…I'm pretty sure that this is all meaningless babble," Hakkai said with a frightened chuckle.

"Shut up back there. We're going to the casino," Renate said.

"Yay!"


	32. Chapter 31: Whoa

Kinnikinnick: Hello everyone! Here is another chapter!

Technicolor: During which the girls get Hakkai and Sanzo hooked on the wonders of gambling. Bad Miranda and Renate. Bad.

Kinnikinnick: Yup. They is bad. Oh, and for those wondering about the accident. Yes, it was my car. No! MY CAR!!! And it wasn't too serious, I was the only one hurt. I smacked my head against that post next to the driver's seat, enough to give me a good headache for a week.

Technicolor: It's your own fault. You did hit a crippled man.

Kinnikinnick: I know, and I felt so bad, thank you for reminding me. Stupid TC.

Technicolor: And just a reminder, we don't own Saiyuki or Treasure Island. Although with the amount of money we've poured into that place, we should…

Kinnikinnick: You mean the amount of money YOU'VE poured into that place… anyway, read and enjoy. Oh, and, AnimeNyx -- THANK YOU! We lurves reviews! And Goku is damn cuddly, or at least that's what I've decided to believe.

* * *

"What…is this place?" Goku asked, his eyes shining as he sniffed at the air.

"G-gambling…booze…women!" Gojyo said, looking around.

"Wait…do they have IDs?" Miranda quietly asked Renate.

"Eh, if they get kicked out, they can wait in the parking lot," Renate said.

"Ne, Sanzo? What's the password for your card?" Miranda asked. Sanzo sweatdropped when he saw that she had somehow swiped his card and was now shinning it back and forth in the light while standing in front of the ATM.

"Password?"

"Never mind," Miranda muttered as she stuck the card in the machine. She crinkled her brow as she traced her finger over the keys.

"What are you going to try first?" Renate asked.

"The standard 1-2-3-4," Miranda said, punching in the numbers, "Good God, this is too easy."

The machine whirred as it dispensed bill after bill. Miranda snatched up the money and began distributing it throughout the group.

"Goku, why don't we just take you straight to the buffet," Miranda said, cheerfully handing him a twenty.

"B-buffet?" he asked, his eyes shining again.

"Is that really a good idea?" Renate asked, a worried look on her face.

"Better then letting him run wild throughout the building," Miranda muttered back. She looked up to find Gojyo already gone, bent over a nearby slot machine, a cigarette clenched in his teeth, a beer in one hand, and a woman already wrapped around one arm.

"Good God, that was fast," Renate said, looking half-exasperated, half-impressed. Miranda laughed and grabbed Goku, dragging him over to the buffet. Renate looked at Hakkai and Sanzo.

"We should probably follow. It's a bad idea to let those two go around on their own," Hakkai pointed out. Renate sighed.

"Yeah…true…"

* * *

After installing Goku safely at the buffet, Miranda, Renate, Hakkai, and Sanzo headed off to gamble.

"Penny slots!" Miranda and Renate cried, running over and claiming two seats in front of two identical machines. Hakkai and Sanzo followed.

"How do you work this thing?" Sanzo asked, jabbing his cigarette at the machine. Several buttons were lit up on the console. As he watched, Miranda pressed a bunch of them, and then hit a big red button.

"Like that," she said, watching the spinning images on the screen.

"Pretty…" Renate said, hypnotized by her own whirling graphics. She grunted in frustration when nothing lined up. She pressed more buttons and went again. However, Miranda's machine gave a wolf-like howl.

"Goddammit, how do you always win?" Renate demanded.

"Lucky."

"May I try?" Hakkai asked.

"Sure, but whatever you win with my money is MY money," Miranda said, vacating her seat. She was counting on Hakkai's awesome luck.

"Yes, yes, I just want to figure out the mechanics of this game," he said, pushing buttons. Twenty minutes later, Miranda had fainted from the amount of money that had accumulated, according to the numbers on the screen.

"Oh my, are you all right?" Hakkai asked, peering worriedly down at the now-pale girl.

"Fine! I'm fine!" Miranda practically shouted as she pulled herself back up. Renate's eyes had grown as big as saucers.

"My God. That's college right there."

"It's hard…to breath…" Miranda said, clutching her chest. Renate jumped up and started fanning her friend, steadying her with one hand. Sanzo took the vacated seat, inserting his own bill.

"Oi, Sanzo," Renate said ten minutes later, Miranda next to her clutching the print-out from the slot, "We're going to go cash in Miranda's winnings. You gonna stay here, or come with?"

"Stay," Sanzo grunted, not even bothering to look away from the screen.

"Okay. Hakkai, look after him," Renate said over the victorious noises emanating from his machine.

"I will," Hakkai said, also not bothering to turn around.

"I think we've got them hooked," Renate muttered.

"Heh…yeah…hooked," Miranda said breathlessly, staring down at the little piece of paper that she was gripping tightly.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, pull yourself together."

* * *

Gojyo ambled over to where Hakkai and Sanzo were seated, draping his arms over the two's shoulders.

"How's it going?" he asked, before spotting the amount on Hakkai's screen, "Holy crap!"

"Eh," was Hakkai's reply as he pressed the buttons again. Gojyo shrugged and turned to Sanzo.

"How about you, bouzu? Eh, looks decent."

"Eh," Sanzo grunted.

"Oi! Snap out of it!" Gojyo said, smacking the two over the head. Hakkai looked startled as he turned to face Gojyo. Sanzo looked pissed, but also like he had just been shaken out of a trance.

"Wha…Where's Miranda and Renate?" Hakkai asked, looking around. He glanced back at the screen, "Whoa."

"Yeah, whoa. I don't know where they went," Gojyo said.

"We should probably find them before they cause irreparable damage," Sanzo growled, already getting a headache as he thought of what the two might do.


	33. Chapter 32: Illogical Logic

Kinnikinnick: Hello my pretties! Hehehe! Welcome, welcome. In this chapter, there is trouble at the casino, and they finally make it to the Caribou!

Technicolor: You mean they actually get to where they were intending to go?

Kinnikinnick: Yeah, I know, weird, isn't it? Anyway, the last few chapters were the result of TC and I sitting in her basement going "Wait. How much trouble do you think we'd be in with the fangirls if we brought them into our world?"

Technicolor: Yeah, so basically the last few chapters were one big 'How much trouble can we make for ourselves on foray.

Kinnikinnick: We do love to break the rules that we are so adamant about others obeying…

Technicolor: Again, we don't own Saiyuki, Treasure Island Casino or Caribou.

Kinnikinnick: Although we do occasionally own Caramel Coolers for a short period of time.

Technicolor: And Kinnikinnick is NOT Kazuya Minekura.

Kinnikinnick: Well, if I WAS I would have put out another Saiyuki by now!!!

* * *

"You two stay here! I'm going to find the guys," Renate said, getting up from the table. She and Miranda had wandered over to the buffet after cashing in Miranda's print-out (the product of which was tucked in various pockets around Miranda's person) and had joined Goku. The chef had almost appeared to be in tears, and Goku had a giant stack of plates next to him.

Obviously, Miranda had joined the feeding frenzy, and Renate had finally resorted to threatening to take away Miranda's winnings as her repayment if the two didn't slow down, so that she could eat.

"Okay…we'll be right…here," Miranda said, finding it difficult to talk, due to the fact that the amount of food in her stomach was beginning to squash her lungs.

"Yeah…don't worry…about us," Goku said, sighing contentedly as he rubbed his distended tummy.

"Uh…I'm gonna have a food baby," Miranda groaned, leaning back in her chair.

"That's so gross," Goku commented. Renate shook her head as she left the two eating machines behind, glancing about. She knew she had left Hakkai and Sanzo at the penny slots, but from where she was standing, it didn't look like they were there.

"Maybe they went to cash in. Lord knows that Hakkai probably has enough winnings by now to buy a small country," Renate muttered to herself. She went to check the closest cash-in desk. They weren't there, nor were they at the other two cash-in desks. Renate scratched her head as she looked around.

"Renate!"

Renate whipped around in time to see Hakkai walking towards her and waving, Sanzo and Gojyo trailing behind.

"Hey, where were you guys? Did you cash in?" Renate asked.

"Yes, we got our winnings. I'm not sure how your currency works though, so I don't know how much this is…" Hakkai said, pulling a stack of bills out of his tunic.

"Gah! That's….that's a lot," Renate said, picking up the stack and flicking through it.

"He's got four more of those," Gojyo said glumly.

"Holy crap. Between you and the two at the buffet, I'm really surprised that they haven't kicked us out yet," Renate said, handing back the stack.

"Hey. Do you know these two?"

The group turned to see Goku and Miranda being held up by their collars by a disgruntled security officer.

"They cleaned out the buffet. Keep a better eye on them," the security guard said, dropping the two. They hit the ground with a sound similar to a bag of wet cement being dropped, and they both groaned.

"Can't leave you two alone for five minutes, can I!?" Renate demanded, shaking Miranda. An odd sloshing sound came from her, and she turned a delicate shade of green.

"Don't do that!" Miranda moaned.

"Serves you right for stuffing your face!" Renate cried, shaking Miranda more.

"I'm gonna puke just from watching that," Goku groaned, rolling over onto one side. Sure enough, Miranda broke from Renate's grasp and ran for the bathroom.

"Ah. Renate. That was rather harsh," Hakkai said.

"Serves her right for being such a glutton. And you!" Renate huffed, turning on Goku.

"Eh!?"

"You didn't need to get so carried away either!" Renate growled, kicking at Goku.

"Itai! Stop it!" Goku cried, but it was too late. He went dashing for the bathroom, just as Miranda emerged.

"Well that was a waste of fourteen dollars," Miranda said sourly, wiping at her mouth. Renate sighed in aggravation.

"Come on. Let's go before they kick us out."

* * *

Back on the road after what the group hoped to be the final distraction, Miranda curled her arms around Goku's head, buried her cheek in his fluffy hair, and went to sleep. Goku, trapped underneath the girl, also ended up falling asleep. Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo were attempting to play poker in the cramped quarters of the backseat, and Renate was contentedly flipping through the contents of her mp3 player.

"Ne, Renate, when will we get back to that place?" Gojyo asked, holding his cards close to his chest.

"Mm… probably in another half hour," Renate said as she hit the exit ramp.

"And how do you plan to get us back?" Sanzo asked.

"I…do not know. I leave it up to the illogical logic of Miranda's mind. She'll think of something. She always does," Renate said, casting her slumbering friend a somewhat irritated, somewhat fond glance.

"Mmm… pickle ice cream," Miranda muttered, nuzzling Goku's hair.

"Yakitori…." Came a response from the sleeping saru.

"God, all those two ever think about is food!" Renate muttered, while Hakkai laughed.

"Pickle ice cream? That's almost as gross as how Sanzo likes his Ramen," Gojyo said.

"No. That's actually disgusting. My Ramen is delicious," Sanzo said darkly.

"No. You're both disgusting. Now shut up," Renate said.

* * *

When Renate finally wheeled the car into the parking lot of the Caribou where their journey had originated, it was beginning to get dark out.

"Wake up," she said, shaking Miranda. Miranda jerked awake and stared blearily out the window.

"Where… are we home?" she asked sleepily, "Oi, Goku, wakey wakey."

The six piled out of the car, and Renate began to lead them around to the back. Suddenly Miranda gasped.

"Wait right here!" she said, running back around the side of the building. She reappeared a few minutes later, clutching a caramel cooler.

"I haven't had one of these in forever," she told the shorter girl, who was looking incredibly irritated, while she sucked happily away on her favorite drink.

"Focus!" Renate said, smacking her upside the head.

"Gah! You're gonna make me spill!" Miranda whined.

"We're never going to get back," Gojyo sighed, watching the antics of the two girls.

"One day I'll appear out of nowhere and jump on your head!" Miranda screamed.

"You've done that before," Renate replied calmly. Miranda paused.

"Oh, yeah…"

"Anyway," Renate said in an irritated tone, "This is where we first found it. It should be here."

Miranda dropped to her knees, searching for the familiar shimmer that had first indicated a rip in the inter-dimensional fabric.

"Ha!" Miranda shouted, sticking her hand through the ripple. With a sucking sound, it disappeared from view, making Miranda's wrist look like a stump.

"Okay, good, you found it again. Now, everyone put in a hand," Renate instructed, crouching down to put in her hand. The guys did likewise, with no little amount of trepidation. Hakuryuu stuck in a wing.

"On three, rock forwards," Miranda instructed, "One…two…three!"

The seven rushed forward, all of them arrowing towards the shimmer in the air.

Everything went black.

* * *

Kinnikinnick: I've been forgetting to do this, so – PLEASE! Read and review! 


	34. Chapter 33: Author's Note

Author's Note –

Kinnikinnick: Okay. Um. Wow. I'm so so sorry I haven't written in awhile guys. There's been… a lot of stuff going on, some good, some bad. So… let's get y'all caught up, just so you don't all kill me.

I broke up with my old boyfriend. He wanted to take a month long break, so I was like "Whatever." Because for me, as long as they're not 'the one' I don't really care much. But during that month, I figured out (thanks to some of my wonderful friends) he was kind of a jerk and was only after a few things. Which was weird, because he'd get them, and then deliver a lecture on how what we just did was a sin and blah blah blah.

Technicolor's boyfriend proposed! And TC is kinda impatient, so, as I was dubbed both maid of honor and organizer, I was running myself ragged trying to organize it all. She got married last Saturday, and it was a gorgeous ceremony, if I do say so. We had our nephews be the ring bearers (one is two, the other one is about one and a half) and our four year old niece was the flower girl. By the by, trying to explain how our family works is complicated, suffice to say though that she and I are NOT sisters, but we share nieces and nephews.

I started dating another guy, this one who I've been friends with for about five years. So, when I tell you this, don't think I'm moving too fast, it's just that I know him very well. But, we dated for about two months. And I have to admit, about two weeks into it, I couldn't imagine my life without him in it like this. However, I didn't say anything, mainly because I didn't think it was appropriate for me to say that so soon. But then, two months after we started dating… well, let me go flashback for you. We were walking in my favorite park. It was two days after my birthday. He sat me down on one of the benches by the fountain, so behind him I could see the water glittering behind him. His voice was framed by the gentle sound of water splashing lightly. And he got down on one knee and my heart stopped. And said "I know it seems so soon. But… I've loved you for a very long time. Watching you date other people through all these years, none of them loving you like I wanted to, it hurt so much. But now it's you and me. And I want it to be like this for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?" And he pulled out a jewelry box, and popped it open, and I had to laugh. Because years ago, we had been playing Legend of Zelda together, and I had made a joke about how if I had a diamond, I would want it to be shaped like a rupee from LoZ. And in the ring, was a diamond shaped like a rupee. So, long story short (bit late for that, eh?) I said yes. So, I've been running around trying to plan my own wedding, which is set for the end of December, cuz all my family is going to be around then for the holidays anyway, and so will his.

This is the biggest one. You might have even seen it on the news, although I'm not sure of what kind of coverage it got. See, my tiny little graduate school is actually made up of four small campuses (campi?). Anyway, one is just for the law students (like me) one is for medical, one offers a handful of under-graduate programs, and the fourth acts as kind of a community college, with programs for high schoolers. But connecting them all is an underground tunnel system. Apparently, some of the high schoolers were screwing around and accidently started a fire, which spread like mad, because they also use the tunnels as storage. So, plenty of old wooden stuff to feed it, and some great drafts as people opened and closed the doors. And I guess the West campus didn't notice anything right way, because that door was left propped open, so that breeze fed the fire more. Luckily, I was in a coffee shop having a girl's afternoon with a friend, but we saw everyone being evacuated from South (Law) campus. Unfortunately, the buildings are all really close, so my dorm was one of the two that burned to the ground. And again luckily, I had started moving into my fiancee's apartment off campus, so I only lost about half my clothes, but my laptop and digital camera are gone. I'm just grateful I moved my memory box, trunk, and keepsake trunk the day before, so none of my really important stuff was gone. Anyway, South and West campus (Law and Medical) were hit the worst, with South almost completely demolished, and North (under-grad) was pretty bad off, but East only got a little bit of smoke damage in their administrative building (where the main entrance to the tunnels is). So, a lot of the classes were moved to East, and the community centers and local public schools offered up what space they could spare, so that those who wanted to (like the seniors getting ready to graduate) could finish up, but summer classes were cancelled and we're at just two campuses for this semester. I elected to take a semester off though, just because I think it would creep me out to be around the campuses right now. We lost two faculty members, who thought some of their students were still inside or something like that. The details are still a little sketchy for me, because I spent most of the time curled up at my fiancee's, refusing to watch the news coverage, mainly because I was already worried sick. I posted a bulletin on a forum my friends use, though, and asked them to come to the apartment if they were okay, and by 7:00 pm, everyone had stopped by, and most had stayed.

So, that's the reason I haven't posted. I've been planning weddings, being pissed at an ex, and shopping for a new laptop. I don't dare touch my fiancées. He needs his (he works as a long distance consultant for something or the other (I should pay more attention ;;)), and I screw my own up often enough, I don't need to break his too.


End file.
